Hello Tfrsos and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

“Despite all” is a common catchphrase for many Compulsive Gamblers.
In spite of my several heavy losses, my many sick stomach , my high anxiety, my shock at losing my first 2k many years ago, I continued gambling.
Despite a friend stating at that time “Don’t look for my shoulder to cry on when your 2 k loss becomes 20k disaster.”
Despite his prophetic words (the 2k changed fast to 20K)
Despite the 20k turning to 200k in what seemed like the blink of an eye, I still gambled.
WHY??
Because I am a CG and no loss , no win will ever satisfy me.
And I was headstrong as well as “hooked” and I thought I loved gambling!
“Despite all” can become a form of justification for gamblers.
You may not understand this YET but at some time you will.
The ONLY way you will “win” is to deny yourself all access to money, cards and credit.
Read and answer the 20 Questions in Gamblers Anonymous. (Available online)
Admit you are powerless over gambling. (First Step)
When you set up barriers to prevent you gambling and take steps to ensure you CANNOT gamble, things will change.
“Despite all” will become “Because of all or due to all”…..( I have done) ,
I did NOT lose that last grand.
I did not borrow more to chase my last loss.
I did not lie and cheat to obtain funds to create more chaos .
“Today, I did not gamble ” will be your new catch phrase
To come to that point T, you will need to seek help.
Well done on joining GT
Try GA also , where you will be given “a bag of tools ” with instructions that will explain why you need never again, to say
“Despite everything, I gambled my last thousand away”

My heart goes out to you T because reading your posts reminds me of how gutted I felt so often.I was in your position many , many times. I ignored all advice for years and created hell on earth for myself whilst making very rich men even richer.
Gambling is a progressive disease. It does not go away.
You need to resist it at every level possible.
Lots of support available
GRAB IT with both hands to prevent you coming back in 20 years time writing
“Despite everything i was told I ruined my life”
God forbid that it should ever come to that.
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
You have come to the right place, at the right time for help.
Gambling ruins everything.
Keep posting

Hi TFR.

It sounds like you’ve hit the bottom to me. Good news though there’s only one way to go if you have and that way is up.

It might not feel like it at the moment but you have time on your side if you decide that enough is enough. You can recover mentally and physically and you can also get your debts sorted and under control, if you really want to and you take onboard the advice people will offer you.

When I was your age I was in prison for the second or third time, all due to gambling. I really didn’t care. More importantly I didn’t listen, I do care now and I do listen. What I no longer do is gamble.

You can see how pathetic your gambling has become, so however pathetic the fundamental advice offered may seem it is offered by people who will have been in very very similar situations, and is offered in the hope you take it on board and never gamble again.

Accepting the gravity of what I had done was very very hard to do, but ultimately I have had to accept it otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to move on. I had been riddled with guilt and shame which ultimately lead me back to gambling.

It dosnt sound like you’ve been to a GA meeting so I wonder if you’ve heard of the Serenity Prayer. It dosnt matter if you’re a religious bloke or not it makes a lot of sense;

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. ( You can not change the past, you can not change the fact you are a compulsive gambler).

The courage to change the things I can ( You can change your behaviour, you can change your negative outlook, you can say “no” to gambling).

And the wisdom to know the difference. ( Speaks for its self, you can’t change the past let it go, you can act now in order to build foundations for a brighter future).

A common sense mantra we all should live by. No doubt you will have tried to stop on your own before it’s near enough impossible to do so. You will need practical and emotional support to beat this. Do your parents know about this latest episode.

If I were you I would sit down and talk to them about it. Don’t just fill them with empty promises show them you’ve been here, ask them for their help.

Can you get your wages paid directly into their account?

I no longer get my wages paid into my own account and it is the best practical thing I have ever done. That alone hasn’t fixed my gambling problem it just puts an almighty barrier in the way.

I would highly recommend doing something similar. I would also suggest you self exclude from all the sites you gamble at, and any venues you used to gamble at aswell. There is some great blocking software available these days, if you are serious about quitting get some installed now before payday comes around. It’s no good installing it yourself as you need to create a password so maybe get your parents to do it for you.

Gambling mate is a very serious addiction it is progressive and never gets any better. The amounts of money you talk about will seem like fortunes to many, whilst others will be thinking “I wished I’d only lost that much”. The amounts are neither here nor there. It’s spirals very fast as you’ve experienced. Vera has given you a great insight.

Please do the right thing mate, it might take years to recover from this mess, but it’s not impossible.

I have to go, I’m at work and about to leave on a long journey but if I get time I’ll post you a copy of something Kin sent me and I hope it helps. Otherwise please look at my thread and you will see many inspiring and thought provoking messages from Kin.

Gtg.

All the best, keep posting.

Geordie.

Chapter 1

I walk down the street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk,

I fall in.

I am lost.……I am hopeless,

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street ,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk,

I pretend I dont see it,

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But I believe it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street ,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk ,

I see it is there

I still fall in…..it‘s a habit

I know where I am

It is my fault

I get out immediately

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street ,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk ,

I walk around it

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Where are you now?

Hi tfrsfos,

I guess I can’t offer you much from experience point of view, as I only joined yesterday having blown my savings of over ￡6000. But I just wanted to reach out to you to let you know that there are people going through the exact same feeling of shock, regret and shame that you are.

You hit the nail in the head on your first post – these things don’t happen to me. I’m that guy too, I thought I was above addiction and I’m slowly beginning to realise that this is absolutely not the case. I woke up this morning still feeling physically sick, I can’t look my partner in the eye because I can’t deal with the guilt I am feeling about keeping this dirty secret from him. But what I have done is spent the day analysing my finances and working out a plan. I’m slowly beginning to feel that there might just be a way out of this for me. It is going to take hard work and serious denial of some of the pleasures in life that I once enjoyed. I got myself into this mess and I’ll get myself out of it, you can too.

I know you’ve hit rock bottom but from the little experience I have had on this forum, there are some fantastically supportive people out there. Please keep visiting, I think we could really use each other’s help! ??

Hi TF.
I know how you feel right now. I lost c o u nt of the high interest loans I took out. In the end I was getting loans to pay off debt . How crazy is that? And even crazier , as soon as I would lay my hand on the cash, I would shoot straight off to the casino and lose the lot in a few hours, then I would have to phone the agent from the loan company a week later with a cock ‘n bull story and repeat the same process. MADNESS!!
The bottom line is we are Compulsive Gamblers which means we will never, never, never win .Therefore gambling is a pointless exercise. I knew that for years, yet a small part of my brain convinced me I had limited control. CGs don’t have any control over gambling. Gambling controls us.
Let this be your final loan T.
When you find yourself in six figure debt , it becomes really scary.
Stop handing cash. It’s like carrying a loaded gun. Lethal!
Well done on starting over.
You CAN stop gambling. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Just for today do not take out a loan!!

Hi TFRFOS
I normally write on the F&F forum but I was drawn to your thread when you said that you had spoken to your mum who was understandably angry and upset but is doing all she can to help you get through this. I am glad that she can’t help you financially because it wouldn’t help you and it would only rope her into your problem when she needs to keep control of her life.
What is she doing to help you and is she getting support for herself?
She has probably known that you have been unhappy without knowing the reason why and the reason why is because it is bewildering, not only to you but to her too. In the F&F forum and in the F&F group there is understanding and support for her which will help her support you in the best way possible.
You are right that there is no easy way out of this mess and gambling is the worst option to even attempt – as a CG you cannot win but only sink deeper.
You have done something positive by coming here and I believe that GA will support you further – it may be worth finding a group in your area. If they have a sister group called Gamanon it would be a haven for your mum to talk and find out that she too is not alone.
It is a positive attitude, support and time that gradually brings healing and I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that this can happen and you can live a wonderful gamble-free life.
I wish you and your mum well and I hope she will get the support that she needs so that she can support you in the best way possible.
Velvet

I just wanted to post to let you know that things do get easier.
Working recovery everyday really makes a difference. Posting and reading here can be a great resource. Put up barriers, get someone to help you with your day to day financials and be accountable for what you spend.
We will always be cg’s. Always.
You can live a gamble free life. I’m not saying its easy, but its definitely worth it. Things will ease in time, pressures will lessen and your brain will not be all consumed by this addiction.
Take care, K xx

Hi TFRFOS,

You can stop gambling, get to those GA meetings, get yourself banned from whereever it is you normally gamble, make yourself accountable so that you can’t access funds as easily as you have been.

I am going to comment on your debts. Is having to pay 80%+ of your wages sustainable? I don’t need to know the figures but i always say that if paying something off in 3 years means living like a hermit then we are better to pay them off in 5 years and start to see some of those non gambling benefits. If thigns aren’t manageable/sustainable then I would advise you to get some proper financial advice. The Citizens Advice Bureau or Step Change will give you that advice and they are free.

Keep posting.

You’re right, it is no life and no one deserves to live that way.
What can you do to protect yourself? Have you got someone close to you that you can confide in? Perhaps you need someone to take over the reins for a while and let you breathe?
Give you a small (and I mean small) daily allowance to get you through the week?
This addiction is just horrific. Soul destroying.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Make this your time to change, put up some barriers now, get to a GA meeting, keep posting!!!
Keep fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love K xxx

Oh well done on taking the steps you need to protect yourself.
I’m sorry your holiday didn’t go as well as you planned.
When I stopped gambling, it wasn’t because of something major, I just became sick and tired, just like you.
I finally found the strength to get my barriers up and get of the rollercoaster.
My favourite saying is ‘to live, that would be a great adventure’.
Its true.
I am living. I am happy (for the most part! lol)
Its your time. Keep posting, keep working on your recovery. This addiction will always be there. Over 8 years and I still have days. My exclusion prevents me from acting. This site keeps me sane and grounded.
So happy to read you have taken such positive steps for yourself.
Take care, K xx

8 years k? Wow.. this road to recovery seems long and painful. I hope it gets easyier.
Good luck all the best