- Acest subiect are 78 de r?spunsuri, 17 opinii ?i a fost actualizat ultima dat? acum 2 ani, 10 luni de .
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I’ve decided that today is the day I want to and need to stop gambling. I’ve gone to therapy in an attempt to quit and it didn’t help. I’ve borrowed money from my wife once to pay off some debt and
ncontinued to gamble, thinking I could win money to pay off the rest. I’m extremely worried she’ll leave me if I ask for her help again. I’ve failed her as a husband and as a man by not being able to
ncontrol this addiction. I now owe about $17,000 USD in credit card debt and don’t have the money to pay it. I have no idea what I’m going to do next but I know that I need to stop.
nGambling is hurting my family and it’s just a stupid thing to continue doing. There is no winning when it comes to gambling and I need to remind myself that every time I even think about doing it.
nHoping this journal and the support from the forum will help me quit for good.
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nSide note: Is it just me or does this text entry form just continue to keep typing, forcing you to hard enter if you want to go to the next line? -
Have obtained a loan to consolidate my credit card debt and I plan on cancelling those cards so I can?t refund my gambling website. Spoke to my wife about the loan and my issues that I?ve been hiding for several months. She is considering leaving me, which would be the worst thing that could happen.
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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To someone who can’t comprehend what it feels like? The feeling of being obsessed with trying to win. It’s not about the money because there isn’t a dollar amount that would be enough. If you won $10,000, you’d think it should have been $20,000.
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nHow do you explain that the addiction isn’t about them and has nothing to do with them. You aren’t thinking about losing them or losing the money when you’re gambling. You’re only thinking about winning. -
Have attended a few of the GA zoom meetings. It’s cool because you can pop into one anywhere in the country, depending on the time of day. I haven’t shared in them but have found listening to be a useful and reflect on other’s experiences. The urges to place a bet are still there but I tell myself don’t gamble. There are more important things in your life than gambling.
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My wife has given me a 2nd chance to prove myself and to stop gambling. I will not make the same mistake again. I find it has been helpful to tell myself to win the day and when I get the urges to check odds or a lookup a bet, to tell myself that I am stronger than it. I am smarter than to know to waste my money and future.
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nLooking for other things to fill the void for now. Been watching a lot of Netflix and playing some video games, doing housework, etc. -
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Has anyone experienced headaches after stopping gambling? For the past few days I’ve had these constant headaches and I don’t know if it’s a withdrawal symptom or if it’s from something else.
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nI’ve been staying off my phone and ipad, which I’d usually be using to check scores and stuff. Not touching them guarantees that I can’t be wagering or looking up info to put wagering in my head. It is a relief to not have to check scores or to sit there during a match and be praying that your team comes back when they’re getting decimated. -
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It’s only been a few days for me but I’ve been having similar symptoms, headaches and stomache aches. I think that (at least for me) these are anxiety symptoms related to debt and keeping up with the obligation of gambling- hopefully they go away as we get further and further away from the addictive spiral. Everyone’s experience seems to be slightly different though.
I really feel what you mean about the relief from not having to constantly check mobile gambling apps- you tie so much of your hopes and fears into them. The relief is a reminder that doing this wasn’t benefiting our lives in any way.
Hang in there, you’re doing great!
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Thank you for the encouraging comments. Still have a headache this morning but it isn?t as nagging as it was yesterday. And now that you mention it Steph40, I was feeling tired too. I will say that I do feel happier, not having to worry about hiding things from my wife. I?ve given her all my credit card and bank info so she has access to monitor me. I?ve also been reading the 12 steps.
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nI Believe this diary has been a big help and being active in the forum, encouraging others has helped to keep me busy. -
I agree.. it is very helpful.. I still have not limited myself from having access to money because it is close to impossible but am trying to figure out different habits to limit the amount like paying bills as soon as I get paid.. last night I didn’t sleep well as Thursday nights are pay nights – which is being used for holidays so I had no bills to pay. But I was able to make it through by reading on here… still working on doing my first zoom meeting..
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Made it through the weekend without gambling so this is day 11. I am still having headaches everyday and not sure when they will stop. At times I do have restless feelings but I am trying to remain locked into the present and be in the moment. I noticed in the past, I wouldn?t be paying attention to things that were going on around me because I was too worried about the scores or results of my bets. I?m focusing that attention on my wife and my dog.
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Woke up with a headache this morning but I went to the gym, worked out extra hard and now my head is clear. For the first time in a long time, my head is clear. I don’t have a headache at the moment. I have zero inclination to lookup statistics for sports or anything like that. I hope this is the start of freedom.
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nAt the suggestion of someone in the recovery tools forum, i bought the book „The easy way to stop gambling” by Allen Carr. I’m only on page 35 but it is an interesting read so far. Hopefully, it helps me to overcome this addiction that has had a grip on me for so long. -
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Feeling better today than I did yesterday, didn’t even wake up with a headache. Got to page 100 of Allen Carr’s book and I can see how he’s breaking down the gambling addiction.
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nI realize that the real trigger for when this addiction began to spiral out of control was when I hit a big jackpot, a few years ago. It really programmed me to think that I could do it again and after that, I needed to bet larger amounts to try to obtain that same feeling. It is exactly like a drug or alcohol addiction where you would need greater amounts of the substance to obtain the same feeling. I’ve seen on TV that meth or other drug users always chase that first high because there isn’t anything quite like it. Gambling is exactly the same way. You can start off betting $5 or for me, $1 a hand of cards when I was in high school and fast forward to present, it is out of control. -
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Been so busy with work today that I haven’t been able to post but I am on Day 14 of being gamble free! I’ve been feeling very good these past few days, some of the best days I’ve had in a while. The lack of stress is such a nice feeling.
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nGot to chapter 10 of The Easy Way to Stop Gambling and i found it very interesting that the author claims you don’t need will power to stop gambling and gambling addicts aren’t necessarily weak willed. He’s trying to unwind the way we look at the addiction so that we feel like we aren’t giving anything up by quitting. We’re just getting to feel how a non-gambler feels every day. -
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You are so right! Everytime I gamble, I say I’m going to stop even if I’m only up $100, then I’m up $200, $400 and I think it should be more, so I out all my winnings back in. Then I feel defeated and even worse.
How do we stop that vicious cycle? I just think if I understood why I do that, I could stop.
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https://gamblersinrecovery.com
Hi Reno, another member posted a thread about it but the link is above. It is a bunch of GA meetings from all over the world so you can join in any one you feel comfortable.?
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Hi Reno,
There’s so many reasons why we are addicted to gambling. For me, I thought it was because I was addicted to winning or being correct or being smarter than the bookies. But now, I’m not so sure if that was it. Did I truly enjoy the stress of having to pray for a bottom of the 9th HR to win or having my team come back from down 13 in the 4th quarter? And if my team made that miraculous come back, was I really so smart? Did I really enjoy looking at my credit card statement and seeing that I didn’t have enough cash to pay it off? I don’t think so. Now, I think that’s stupid.?
And there isn’t one single solution to stoppping either. I think you have to try a combination of different things if you want to stop. For me, being completely open and honest about my addiction and struggles with my wife has helped. This forum has helped. I’m also reading books about quitting gambling. I’ve given up control of my finances so my wife can monitor me. I’ve tried counseling with a licensed therapist. I’ve also attended some of the GA zoom meetings.? You have to find what works for you.
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Onto Day 15 of being gamble free! The weekend is here and for a lot of gambling addicts, this is the dangerous time. There’s so many sporting events going on and we’re usually not working so we have time to bet. That was the old me. The new me doesn’t care about what games are coming up. I would like to get to a point where I can watch a game and be passionate about the outcome without having money on the line. However, I think I’ll wait a while longer before watching sports.
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nI’m looking forward to spending time with my wife and dog while my state goes into further quarantine mode. And hopefully I can finish Allen Carr’s book this weekend but we’ll see. The important thing is that I’m not having gambling cravings or feeling like I’m missing out on something. That cloud isn’t hanging over my head anymore. -
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Weekend flew by and I made it to day 18. Wasn’t able to finish the book but made some progress. Watched a lot of 90 day fiancee on Hulu and that reminds me, there was a couple on there, whom the husband was dealing with a gambling addiction. It was tough on their relationship and the wife didn’t trust him with money or to go out at all. I think it’s good to see it play out on TV and self-reflect that we are all going through that same situation.
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Pretty stressful day with work and trying to refinance my mortgage but have not thought about gambling as a way to „make money”. Am very happy with that. I am more fortunate than a lot of other gamblers in that I have no physical access to a casino. I live on an island where there are no casinos so I would have to fly thousands of miles to get to one. Sure, I have access to online betting but I’ve been good about not touching that.
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nI’ve been looking forward to being able to post another day on these forums that I’ve been gamble-free. It is a bit of a reward as silly as that sounds. Day 20! -
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Onto day 22 and another week in the books, no pun intended.
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nDoes anyone have advice for how your family members or loved ones can deal with the addiction? I realize the pain I’ve caused but don’t know how to help my wife deal with the feeling of distrust. Over time, that trust will be built up again but for now, it seems the wound is still healing. -
Hi, I’m not a shrink or qualified to give pyschological advice and this is just my opinion.
Firstly, it’s commendable that have admitted that you’d like to stop and have reached out to this forum. That’s a good start.
You mention distrust. On that basis, I would say that you need to tackle this at source, and that is funding. Nominate someone (your wife or a close relative) to have visibilty of your bank accounts so you are less tempted to fund the sites. Explore applying blocks on funding from your bank account – in some countries your bank can block ‘gambling’ transactions. Pay off and close any credit cards or risky sources of funding. Give your wife access to your credit score files with alerts enabled. These steps will be extremely painful to a gambler but try to think of the end result – more time with your wife, a better quality of life and less opportunites to lapse.
Try to remember that trust will not build up over time if you lapse. These measures will give your wife or family a degree of control over the situation and remove some of the helplessness they may feel.
Try to find other stimulating hobbies and involve your wife as much as possible since a mutual hobby will be great for you both.
I wish you all the best.
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Hi Enough
nThe hardest thing for those who love someone with a gambling addiction is the loss of trust and that is something that can only be won back with time.
nBeing ignorant of the addiction makes coping difficult. A loved one can do everything wrong for all the right reason. It is a bewildering, frightening and isolating experience but the right knowledge can throw light and hope into dark places.
nMost gamblers do not know how to, or want to, share their thoughts because of unnecessary feelings of guilt, many loved ones do not know how to listen. The thing that made the most difference to me was finding someone who understood ?me?. With her support I was able to learn to listen and to cope. I was finally able to support my loved one and myself, the right way.
nThe early days of recovery are the toughest and you need to look after yourself. It is hard to support another, adequately, at this time. Maybe you could discuss with your wife the possibility of Gam-Anon, (the sister group of GA) where friends and family can share their experiences, hopes and coping mechanisms. I hail from the F&F section of this site and I would be delighted to support your wife. The forum is always available or she can ?talk? to me in any F&F group, which is private.
nI know that you can take control of your addiction and live a wonderful healthy life perhaps an even better life for having had this terrible experience but I know how difficult it is for loved ones to believe.
nIt is often an excellent idea to get someone to look after your finances and make you accountable. This is not treating you as a child but is an acceptance of your courage and determination to change.
nI wish you well
nVelvet
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Onwards to day 25! The weekend came and went pretty quickly. Did have some feelings of restlessness, like what should I do with my time but I found a new ipad game to download and play. Finishing the last few chapters of the easy way to stop gambling has been slow but I hope to get to them soon. Happy to have made it this far without gambling and will continue with the recovery.
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Another day of being gamble free. I hardly think of gambling these days. The thought of „I have to gamble to win money” no longer enters my mind. I don’t feel like I’ve lost out on anything by not gambling. The one thing I do sometimes consider is would I be ok if I went on a vacation to Vegas or somewhere there was a casino? And I’m not sure. The book I’m reading says that you make the choice to give up gambling forever and you never do it again. And I’m perfectly fine with never placing a bet online again. That doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve learned from my past. I suppose time will tell on the other question. For now, I have no desire to go to Vegas or a casino. Will I ever be like a normal person who can just enjoy it and not have it consume me?
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Had a busy weekend, gamble-free of course. BBQ on Saturday and yard work on Sunday. It’s been really nice not thinking about gambling and I’ve even started watching the NBA playoffs without having any money on the line. Pretty incredible steps if I say so myself. I finished the Allen Carr book and have some good takeaways from it. I’m not a gambler any more and I will not gamble ever again. Perhaps it’s time to start another book.
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Onto day 33. Have been trying to sell things that I don’t need to alleviate some of the debt I incurred as a result of the gambling addiction. You realize that material things aren’t all that important when you can’t use them and have no purpose for them. In my state, we are going on another 2 week lockdown due to COVID so even more, these things don’t have as much meaning as they once did. If I can sell this one item that I’ve treasured for so long, it will take a big chunk out of my bank loan. It’s also a reminder of the pain that gambling has caused.
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Good luck with selling!! In the last five years I have really jumped onto minimalism and it makes life so much easier!! Great job on staying gamble free! I am glad you have been able to watch basketball again- I love hockey and basketball so have been enjoying the playoffs although it sounds like they will both be on pause for a few more days.
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Thanks for the encouragement Steph.
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nI suppose all gamblers end up down the path of selling stuff to pay off debts. It didn’t hit me how much I’d miss that thing I sold until I dropped it off for shipping. It’s gone forever. But that is the price you pay when you make stupid decisions. I’m on day 39 of being gamble free. -
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NFL has started back up and week one is where I would usually have lost a lot of money. I mostly avoided watching NFL except for the Tom Brady vs Drew Brees matchup…which I was excited for. It was tempting to place a wager but I abstained and am very proud of myself for doing so. As Bill Belichick would say „we’re onto day 53”
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On day 56 now.
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nIt seems like more and more new posts are popping up here every day. People are struggling with this addiction and I cannot help but think that during COVID, when we are all isolating or staying away from crowded places, people are turning to things to do in isolation. Gambling is a huge problem and there isn’t much awareness of it as a problem. There are ads and marketed resources for people to quit smoking or doing drugs but gambling is an addiction all the same. -
Wow, 2 months now since I’ve made the decision to stop gambling. Nothing new to report. NFL is really boring to watch now that I’ve stopped gambling, unless it’s a super close game in the final two minutes. The NBA is still quite exciting so that’s a plus. I can watch that and be entertained. Don’t even get started on MLB…that’s got to be the most boring sport to watch on TV.
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Where are all the days going? Being in one of the most lockdown heavy states is making all the days blend into one another. Still doing well with being gamble free despite all of the pro sports going on. Playoffs is usually when I’d be beating a lot since those games are extra important. Proud of myself for getting to day 75.
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Thanks for everything you have shared so far. Similarly to you, I have joined the forum and groups hoping that they will be a big help to staying gambling free.
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nWell done on reaching Day 75. Although I am a long way off that, it is very helpful to read about other people that are finding success here. -
Took a several week break from posting, mostly due to being busy at work. Am still gamble free on Day 99, almost to Day 100. Had a good discussion with my parents about my addiction and they still support me and love me even though I’ve made huge mistakes. Neither of my parents are gamblers, in fact, both hate it, hate casinos, and the thought of losing money foolishly. So, I developed this addiction all on my own. I’ll continue to abstain and not even contemplate placing a bet.
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At Day 130 today! Been a while since I’ve posted. Since the last time, I’ve completely lost interest in even watching sports. Thanksgiving would have been a day to watch and bet on football all day but I didn’t even turn the channel to football at all. Was busy cooking turkey ?? Hope everyone is doing great in their recovery
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Happy New Year to Everyone in the forums.
I’m on Day 168 of being a non-gambler. I’ve taken up computer gaming as a hobby and it’s completely alleviated the need to watch sports or think about gambling. It’s good to keep checking in once in a while to count the days and see proof of my recovery.
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Today I decided it will be my last day. I lost a good chunk of money trying to get back the money I initially lost. I feel useless, but im trying to change.
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Catracho94, I’m glad you’ve made that decision. That’s the first step is choosing not to be a gambler or to gamble at all. It will change your life, trust me.
I’m on day 217. The check-ins have become sparse but I have found other hobbies to take up my time like playing video games. Replacing one addiction with another but this one doesn’t cost a dime. ??
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Thanks Kin! Appreciate the support.
I’m on day 287 now. Have been wanting to go to Vegas to visit Resorts World and the new hawker stall restaurants but the wife says we can go if I don’t gamble. It doesn’t seem like a smart idea to put myself in that situation and probably won’t happen.
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