[i’m_free]

I went to an online video meeting last evening; GA style. In one of the shares a man who bounced back after a long relapse said he’s calling this a new recovery .
nHe said he’s been trying for years and had many attempts at recovery. He believes that we bring our experience, strength and hope along with us from the
ntime that we spent in recovery and away from action. I liked what he had to share and I’m embracing this idea of a new recovery after a very long relapse of compulsive gambling. I’ve been at it for around 15 years of trying to stay stopped.
n
n I was in deep denial as I began to be dishonest with myself and others and to hide my addiction to slots. The first time I came to recovery I was deeply damaged
non many levels. My addiction has escalated with how much I lose at one time and the frequency that I go also increased. At the rate I was headed I remembered
nthe state I was in when I first found some help a long time ago. I remembered it so well that it scared me to think of continuing on this path of destruction. I had
nto come clean with myself and reach out to new and old resources.
n
n There are so many details to even just the last 6 months or one year… so many details that are similar to many of the posts I’ve read through on here. I’ve got some
nstory to tell. For now it’s the point of realization which is so important to me. I didn’t know how to find it. I was lost not knowing how or when to reach out. Even after so
nmany times in the past that I’ve gotten it together and learned , this time I really got to a point where I felt I had to find a foothold or life was going to deliver some very
nhard times. I’m having a hard time making decisions and moving forward, gambling only made it worse. If I did not reach a bottom yesterday I can’t imagine adding to
nwhat already sometimes feels like way too many things to figure out at one time. I am so happy to be able to write this today and be sure that this is the best decision… to come clean.
n
n I had a surge of adrenalin to put energy into getting ‘unstuck’ in life … this was yesterday. Today I’m still motivating but a bit slower. I’ve got to be realistic and break
ndown my tasks into small steps.
n
nI don’t know how much I’ll post/ how often… I’m happy to have a place to put this all in writing. thank- you. free

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

n

[i’m_free]

This is all so fresh; coming to grips once again odaat by reaching out. All the areas of my life that needed attention and were being backseated by using slots to get away from the tension and indecision etc.; these things are what I now face. I have to take small steps to make change and progress in life. I feel , still feel in a bit of a fog. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better… facing the situations in my life and not starting to cg again. I am doing both. Free

[i’m_free]

I felt some grace this a.m. , early to rise at 3 a.m. with some coffee sitting in the household kitchen. Suddenly after a night of fretting and worrying my perspective shifted to see how things could realistically fall into place in the next few weeks considering the steps I”m now taking to get my life in gear.
n
nI smiled and felt some gratitude.
n
nFree

[i’m_free]

This a.m. I scrolled through fb and saw that a very very old friend who is battling cancer is in ER because he had a bad fall. This Sunday a.m. I offered an image with the 23rd psalm on it to him. THen I realized that the power of this Psalm came to calm my own spirit and soul. Star

[i’m_free]

For a split second I had a opening to drive to the casino. It’s Sunday. I was on my way to get groceries or go to a farmer’s market. I went for groceries instead of the farmer’s market. I did not drive to a casino. It’s very early in my ‘new’ recovery’. For as split second it seemed like there was an opening in my brain to drive to a casino. There were no thoughts or images just some opening like a program … yep kinda like a program. It starts like that, as an almost un noticed impulse then it grows. I want to say HEY I noticed that little spark of an old program and extinguish it.? I’m not up for that spark to start a wild fire of destruction again.? NOPE.? odaat.? Star

[i’m_free]

Real life stuff such as living with roomates/housemates and the stress it can bring is challenging to me but it’s overwhelming when I’m activiely gambling.? When gambling I can’t handle the things I normally could because gambling is the single most stressful thing I’ve ever been engaged with in my entire life .? Free

[G Rec]

Refusing to give in to those impulses/openings to gamble is not easy at times. Well done on resisting the temptation and extinguishing the spark.?

[i’m_free]

Visions float like clouds through my head of my gambling past. I’m noticing and letting them float on by and out of my focus.
nFree

[i’m_free]

Yesterday I attended an open group and it was an active conversation with lots of help, understanding and good points brought up about compulsive gambling and recovery help. I felt like we were all on the same page. Often the open groups are empty but this one was very active and I’m grateful. I’m hoping to be able to cope with the process of dealing with having my old car fixed as it creates alot of stress and uncontrolable variables . Free

[i’m_free]

I that this would happen and I felt an urge and some light withdrawal today… it’s been a week since my last bet. The trigger was that I need to drive my car 100 plus miles to see if the engine light comes back on. What helped is that I renewed my bank account last wed. I opened a new bank account with a fresh untarnished record. I remember this fresh start symbol, the new account number. By remembering my symbol of a fresh start I did not want to take any money out for gambling be it at the bank atm or a casino atm. I want to keep it clean and honest. thx. FREE

[i’m_free]

No wonder I feel out of sorts and kind of toxic or sick after that long relapse of compulsive gambling (relapse it was! even though I tried to stop after almost ever casinos visit). No wonder my head aches, I get nauseous , I feel weak, sometimes disoriented and I don’t look healthy in the morning when I wake up. There are alot of toxins floating around my my body and psyche post gamlbing. I know it’ll get better and I’m doing this odaat.

[i’m_free]

My last post about feeling toxic is true but it’s just a piece of how I feel because I feel empowered with this recovery restart and I’ve taken steps and made some better choices each day. Yes, today is already filled with some pulls from my addicted brain and patterns AND today is another chance to live out the day doing the best I can odaat. I have to focus on choice rather than restraint. Restraint is dangerous for me because it naturaly makes me want to go against it and break through. CHoice is different. May I remember that I choose differently now than when I followed the old addict patterns of thought and action. I choose not to gamble today, it’s the best decision for my well being. Is this easy? I don’t know… it actually takes effort, support and conviction or resolve. Free

[i’m_free]

Gambling is not worth it and it does not make our lives better.? Period.? Very well said.

[i’m_free]

When I listen to people in recovery share about their journey to having a year or more clean time I envision odaat like a string of pearls.? What is new is that I’m adding to my string of pearls and I don’t have to throw away my recovery pearls.? Free

[i’m_free]

Day 14
nTwo weeks ago I left a casino, went to my bank and closed and reopened an account to refresh or renew my vow to not have atm withdrawals on my history; in other words , a clean slate. Since then I bought two scratcher cards with $ cash I had in my wallet and it felt so bad that I don’t want to do that again.

[i’m_free]

I went to do a self exclusion and I didn’t take precautions… the addiction took over. I did do the exclusion and it is at my used to be favorite casino and it’s also the closest to my rental. I lost a lot? of money and went into full addictive mode. I have two more casinos I want to exclude at and I will take no money and no debit card in my car when I go. I need to do this. I was opposed to self exclusions at first but now I am going to do it. Today is now what you call day one and I’m not giving up . I have to accept and go on. I have to be okay with myself and believe that I am back on track and maybe even stronger with my odaat commitment to myself. I want to do the other two exclusions this coming week, very soon. Free

[i’m_free]

Made it through the night. I can always manage to regain some peace but the bank account does not regain money and THAT is hard to digest. I can’t dwell of loss. odaat. I’m continuing to stay one this track. Free

[charles]

Hi I’m Free, Well done on getting back here. Learn from this. Get yourself banned form those otehr two casinos and as you say dont have any cash or cards on you. If someone can go with you as well for support then take them with you as well.
n
nKeep posting.

[i’m_free]

thx Charles, I’m glad that you are HERE!

[i’m_free]

The gates of hell have been closed ie. self exclusions…

[i’m_free]

Just for today I’m free, it’s one day at a time, right? I use some self healing practices to balance and refind wellbeing . The money doesn’t instantly come back to me but in time I can rebuild and be grateful for the simple basic gifts of life. I can, we can do this… with a higher power of our own perspective and definition. Yes, I think /feel the recognition of a higher power brings gratitude, humility and other gifts of spirit which heal our lives and souls after the dark episodes that gambling brings. Free

[i’m_free]

If the gates to hell are closed then the doorway to freedom is OPEN> yay odaat Free

[i’m_free]

After reaching the bottom or my last straw I feel like I’m insulated for a short period; it’s like I’m in a house and the war is over until I’m finally grounded enough to go out and survey my losses. I’ve got to be realistic and LOOK at the damage yet the sun is shining, I’m still breathing and life goes on from this point. It’s very sobering and there is hope.

[i’m_free]

My relationships have been effected by my hidden gambling addiction. I don’t have a bf right now and my family lives far away. Any friendship or housesharing situation has been effected to some degree by my gambling esp. my relationship with myself and my higher power. Free

[i’m_free]

I have humility enough to say that I don’t know how to do this new recovery except for ‘in the moment’ living odaat. That is about it. Gotta take the day as it comes and always make the next best decision. Free

[i’m_free]

Sometimes I’m amazed by the synchronicity of certain happenings in life when I open to a higher power with gratitude and humility. I’m seeing things line up in life in a different way. Not free of challenge but different than I might have expected. Free

[maverick.]

I like your “gates to hell” quote because that’s exactly what it is when we gamble, Evil, suffering and pain all the way there can be no freedom while we gamble, stay strong and stay safe.
n
nThe NORMAL life is a blessing and very peaceful at times if we can just control our compulsion and addiction.
n
nEnjoy your day gamble free

[i’m_free]

For me the dangerous times are ahead of me and this is going to be a odaat venture. For today I have no desire to and will not gamble. For today when I have a distant thought of the future I will reconfirm my odaat commitment to myself. I’ve had many many periods of significant months of gamble free life. I called my thread a New Recovery because I came here to start a ‘new’ recovery and see how I can do things differently so the pattern of stop start does not continue. It get worse each time I relapsed! ODAAT Free

[i’m_free]

I’ve now got two weeks into my new recovery since the expensive slips when I went to self exclude at several casinos. 14 or 15 days free and it seems like a month or more to me. THinking back, so much has happened as my life took some swift turns since my new clean date. I still have many personal details of life to get in order involving phone calls , paper work, research and time & effort. It feels daunting. I think, baby steps and odaat. Free

[i’m_free]

Due to some changes since I began the new recovery, I’m with new people/ housing and the holidays are ‘big’ celebrations for them and their families. I’m interested in this joyful time. In my life I’ve had many many times when I was alone and lonely during my favorite time of year. Often I was not gambling during the holidays season but I was recovering from previous gambling. I’ve probably spent nearly as much time trying to recover as the time that I was acxtually gambling over the last nearly 15 years, seriously. I never thought of it that way. Anyway. I honestly am looking forward to the holidays and trying to be in this moment. Free
n

[i’m_free]

So many emotions and memories come up for me when I move into the recovery mode and away from addictive behaviors and coping methods. There is no running from these things. There is no covering up of these things. What is there ? What can I do? Soften. Truly feel even if it heartbreaking. Breath. Trust. Accept the flavor of the moment and each day as it unfolds. Know that with recovery my life will come into alignment with my higher purpose. Pray or say the serenity prayer as needed. Go outside in the sun and expand my consciousness . Easy is not LIFE . Life in the raw without addiction has the full gamut of emotions . Any kind of self help and growth resource is beneficial. Any kind of counseling that I /we can afford will help. There is a myriad of choice within our recovery , enough to last a moment, a day and a life time. Free

[Autor]

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