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It all started when I had extra time on my hands when the Lock down started in 2020.
I had time to waste and decided to see what the whole fuss around Forex trading was, starting out I deposited $10, lost it and did some more researcher on Forex trading and leverage.After my researcher time, I deposited another $10 to see what I can make of this, and turned the $10 into $120 in a matter of minutes. I was amazed on how easy it was, why didn’t I start with this earlier.
As time went by, I lost all the winnings as greed took over, and I was certain that I can double that amount or even triple it in a day.
Another deposit of $100 followed, as I saw how easy it was, and surely I can do this again, and lost the money once again, but still the feeling I had of the previous experience had me thinking, to be more patient and follow the plan you had constructed for yourself. I mean the “professional” can do it, why cant I? So again a deposit of $100 followed.
The first real big move comes up and boom, what plan? what limit? all of the deposited money was entered into the trade, it goes up and excitement takes me over, I stop the trade and made a return of 30%, that was part of the plan after all. All I can think about, is how easy it is to make money and 20 minutes later, as greed takes over I open a trade with $130 and lose it all in 45 seconds.Back to the drawing board. If I make 1 big deposit, and win on the first time, I will be fine. Make a deposit of $3500 – and lost it all within a matter of seconds. “That’s it I’m done, this is clearly not for me”.
About 2 month pass, I more researcher followed, “slow and steady wins the race” I remind myself of this as I make another deposit of $100. On that day the crypto market foiled and I managed to make all my previous losses back within 2 hours that is $3820 it 2 hours with a $100, I was beyond myself! The feeling of joy took me over.
That was the day, it went all downhill – I lost all of that money as time went by I have accumulated losses totaling up more than $50,000
Every time I have money or get paid, I deposit my whole salary on hopes that I will double it. I am lost and know I have to completely stop trading. I have said this to myself multiple times, then I feel better and I’m convinced I will stop, but that thoughts only happen when I have used my last cents.
Then as soon as money comes in, the thoughts of doubling it starts. I’m so over it, even when I trade I don’t feel anything but frustration, I joined this community as I require help, and motivation and I can’t conquer this addiction on my own. -
? Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums. By posting to the forums you’re allowing the diverse and caring Gambling Therapy community to help support you through the difficulties you’re facing.
This may well be a tough time for you – particularly if you’re new to recovery, so we encourage you to post here as often as you need to, as well as making use of the online groups and the live advice helpline if you’d like some one-to-one support. We’re all in this together! If you’re a new member, you are warmly invited to join Charles in one of the New Members Practical Advice groups (Mondays at 21:00 UK Time and Thursdays at 19:00 UK Time).
The forum is a great place to share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. By writing it all down you can start to build a record of your progress that you can look back on – particularly useful if you’re ever feeling stuck. Share as much or as little as you like – but you’re encouraged to stick to keeping to just one thread in this forum – so people know where to find you to check in on your progress or to share something with you.
The Gambling Therapy staff team don’t generally post to the forums as it is a peer support area of the site – so we’ll hand you over to the community from here.
Take care,
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS. Please take a moment to review our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works.
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Hi Gustav and welcome to the forum. First an apology – it shopuldn’t have taken this long to approve your first post.
Now, you can stop gambling/trading I promise you. Just don’t try and do it on your own.
You lose all your money as soon as you get paid? Ok use that awareness. We all know that no money = no gambling, use that now. Read the other stories here – you will see how financial barriers and accountability can help. What things can you put in place before next payday?
Get yourself excluded form your usual trading sites/
I see that there is also a Gamblers Anonymous meeting in your area – check out this link for local support as well.https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/addresses
Keep posting and let us know the positive steps you are taking. I recommend taking those steps before you get paid again.
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Hi Gustav,
reading your post is like reading a story about myself, I am a compulsive gambler and my addiction is to day trade forex, crypto, and stock.
I need to write more but frankly, I took 2 sleeping pills and it start working, I suggest you read my journal you can relate for sure. and you can learn from the relapses that I had.honestly from your post, I am not sure where you stand:
do you still think that you can win money trading? please answer honestly, do you think what you need is to stick to your strategy, to your money management plan and that will give you better odds to win?
have you tried to stop gambling? I mean have you done anything to stop it, or it is just thoughts? -
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Today is day 6
I am motivated to never trade again, I can do this, every small step forward is progression made, I can’t afford to take a step backwards, I simply don’t want to take a step backwards.
I am here to conquer this and step out victorious, I want to write my story inside a journal entry and say I am 4+ years clean. I can’t wait for that day to come and see what freedom will feel like, that small steps I took to come out on top. Today is one day closer to my goal. -
Hi Don,
Thank you very much, I already started reading though the Forum, and I am very glad to see I am not the only one. This helps a lot.Dark Energy, I read your Journals 3 times already (please don’t think I’m a stalker) LOL
You are amazing me with your post and the way I can see how far you have progressed from where you started. The amount of effort you are putting behind all of this is astounding. you are one of the people that inspires me to make this work.I do not thik I can win money, I had my changes where I was able to create winning up to a point where I can be debt free, then when I reach that point, I just want a little bit more, there is no target for that little bit more, and then I lose it all again. It is the same cycle over and over, it doesn’t change, even when I convince myself I am going to stick to a plan, it doesn’t work.
I made a call to stop as I already lost way more than I intended when I started, it got out of control so quickly, now when I sit back and think of what I could have done with my losses, it breaks my heart. But I am here today on day 3 GF, last night I came clean to my girlfriend, as she knew there was more going on with me, so she hammered me for answers, until I cracked, this morning I feel ashamed and it feels as I might slipping into a depression state of mind. One thing that does work is the meditation exercises on the GT App.
Lets win today, so we can take on the battle tomorrow to grow even stronger. One day at a time. “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows”
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Today is day #9 – I got my salary and paid back all the money I budgeted for, for this month. I am keeping my mind busy with work, and I challenged myself to learn a programming language (python) I have been busy with for 6 days and it feels like it doing the job to keep my mind distracted. I have made peace with the money I have lost, and acknowledged that I will take the long walk to freedom, and pay off my debt one month at a time, I made myself sheets and tracking my progress. Every day I am one step closer to my goal, and I simply don’t want to start from day zero again, it just simply isn’t worth it. A lot of people on this platform is a big inspiration to me, and I want to thank all of you for your stories and guidance that you share. I am doing this for me. I feel great as I don’t have to watch the “charts” all day, and I find time to things that I wanted to do 2 years ago. It is a great feeling and everyday, I am great full that I have a second chance to turn my wrongs into rights.
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Day 13 – Tomorrow will be a 2 week mark.
I am keeping myself busy, and I am learning new skills. I am finding more time to do my things, and it is great.
I do still get the thoughts about what if, I can win, and I immediately tell myself that I do not want to start from day zero again.
Things will look better when I am day 100 and then 200. It is just a constant reminder to not go back to day zero. I am 0.80% of my 1500 day target. I will win and I will conquer this!
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Day #49 – What a great feeling. Everyday is a battle to get the thoughts out of my head, it is getting easier, but the thoughts still remain, on how to make back the money I have lost. The pain is still there but it is getting better with every day. I am now at 3.27% of my target of 1500 days gambling/ trading free. It is not easy, but I know I can push through. Motivated not to start from day 0 again. Hopefully I can push on to day 100 and it feel better.
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Hi Gustav,
sorry to hear about your relapse, don’t beat yourself on it I know it is easier be said than done, but now you have these catastrophizing feelings of hopelessness and insecurity about the future and all these bad feelings that you got in the first few days after the relapse, just hang on, this is just a temporary feeling and will fade away mostly within the 1st week.the only thing that you can do is to start over, learn from this relapse, ask yourself what went wrong, and try to fix that.
and to make it simple it is all about access to money, as I remember you already informed your partner about this addiction, then just give her financial control, this will guarantee that you will not have enough money to relapse.
and look to the positive side you managed to stay gambling free for 72 Days it is a good achievement you should be proud of yourself. you can do it again and you can do more this time.
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Today is day 6, I joined a GA meeting for the very first time this week, it was wonderful and I’m in acceptance that I am sick, that I can’t gamble responsible and that I am the captain of my ship. So far this week is not very great, I had to borrow money just to survive and I am feeling so ashamed of this. The trust is completely broken between me and my partner, as I lied to her, and I understand where she is coming from. I setup goals, simple ones for now and so far I am marking them off day by day, I need to build good habits in order not to think about gambling. The feeling of being a loser is still with me, and I am sure it will clear with time. One day at a time. I am planning to join another GA meeting this evening as I find a lot of inspiration with this meetings, and learning more that I was able to learn on my own. It is OK not to be OK, and I have to accept that.
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Day 11 – I joined GA and accepted to be part of this community, hearing the struggles and the heartaches of others, makes me realize that we all have so much to live for. It’s not easy for one of us, but as a community we can help each other, to change the behavior. I truly feel blessed for 11 days, 11 days I didn’t think I can do. Yes live is full of curve balls, whether in addiction or out of addictions, but it is our decisions how we face it. I want to live without lies and manipulation from my side. It’s a one day at a time, and if it gets real hard, it’s one hour at a time. I have to live in the moments and cherish what I have today.
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Day 13 – not feeling to positive, but not feeling negative, its a in between. My mission is to live a honest and open life. So far, I am keeping it up and it feels great. Just knowing I got all my dirty laundry out there. Time just feels as-if it is going very slow, but I guess this is where the patience game needs to come in.
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Day 18 – Time feels as if it standing still, I am not in the mood to getup today, but I have to as I know once I start this day, it will get better. At this moment I need to get and stay motivated, in order to move forward. I was never like this, I feel broken and it feels like forever to heal again. One day at a time I suppose.
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Hi Dark, thank, I will do some research around that, must say today is day 20, I am feeling better, back at the office, and just grinding, the feeling is a bit better, not sure how long it will last for. But for now I’m embracing it, and just taking it day by day, we don’t know what tomorrow has got in-store for us. Have a great day.
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I’m back again, as I read through my prior journals, and realized. I need to be here, I need to attend GA meetings online when I feel alone. I wrote a journal entry in Oct 2022, feeling lost and alone, and as if I will never get out of this space. Alot has happened since then, I relapsed a couple of times in between, but I also managed to stay gamble free for free for up to 3 months. I had my last big relapse 25 January 2023, and from there 2 small relapses, yesterday was my final day. I read through the past Journals this morning, and realized, if I stopped trading then, I would have been so far by now. At that moment it just feels as if you are never getting out of this space. Today I realized, you will get out of that space, it takes time, practise and patiance, I feel so silly right now reading back to my past Journals. This time I am going to do it for real, I truelly feel that this time, I can pull through, and I need to stick to my plan, posting journals and joining GA meetings, whenever I feel like trading/gambling. Come on you SON OF GUN!! You’ve got this!! And to anybody struggling with this today, it will get better, you just have to make it work.
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Had a lovely weekend with the family. I still feel ashamed for my recent relapse, and not very proud. I constantly find myself and thinking about what I have done over the years. I need this to end, I am the only one that can make this work. It will get better and I will start to feel better, just work the program and you will be fine. I will be part of this community and make regular posts. If I feel like gambling or trading, I will join a GA meeting and make a journal entry…
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Hi Gustav,
sorry to hear about your relapse, but it happened and there is nothing you can do about it, focus on the future.
after all my relapses I concluded that I should work on 3 parts to address this addiction :part#1: prevention and immediate action ( the usual stuff)
barriers, cutting credit card, website blockers, reduce access to money, ask some one to handle your money, attend meetings SMART or GA .. .etc the forum is full of these tips and tools. the first part will give you a buffer to focus on the real causes that keeps you relapsing.part#2: the real stuff:
if you can afford a therapist then work with one, if you can’t (like me) then you have to do it on your own.
you need to figure out what trading gives you and find a real and realistic alternatives.
for me trading was an escape, a hope of better future.. a wrong answer for the question how I can live a better life, how I can reach to a financial freedom, how I can be more self-confident, how I can have my own business, …….etc because it is an easy answer I kept going back to trading, i didn’t have an alternative answers. the solution is to find a better answers and realistic alternatives to fill your needs ( all your needs : personal, financial, emotional …etc ) .
we both know we are addict we both know once we place this first trade it is a matter of time before we blow the account up. so why we still do it, we do it because it serves a need, we have to find what it serves and find an alternative solution to that need.trading is an easy answer but it is the wrong answer, you need to search for the correct answers.
part#3: the psychological part.
frankly I can’t afford to work with specialist because the financial disaster that I am in, but if you can you need to check for the underlaying causes for example : if you have ADHD you are more prone to addiction, if you have depression you are prone to addiction, if you are introvert you are prone to addiction… this needs a specialist to work with you, if you can’t afford it, read about, watch youtube see what can be done to help you in this regards,
fore example there is some supplement like omega 3 and NAC are very helpful, walking and life style changes can help as well. do your best in this part don’t ignore it.as a summery you need a holistic approach to deal with this addiction and the root causes of it.
I could be a more severe case, I am in recovery for the last 5 or 6 years with ton of relapses, I may not be the right person to give you an advice but this is my personal conclusion and this is what I am currently trying to apply to defeat this addiction .
wish you all the best
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Thanks Dark, that definitely helped and I agree, there is some underlying factors I have to work with. I have to establish a way to understand why I am the way I am, and that will greatly help the matter. Another day gambling free, I am struggling to focus on my work, as I feel depressed, and can’t focus. Let’s get through today and see if it will get better.
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Day 7, I feel alright… Still a lot of fog, and unclear thinking. Pay is getting in tomorrow, and with my plan in place I am certain I will be OK. I find that I feel great in the mornings, but as the day progresses, I slip into a bit of depression, I keep on telling myself that this feeling will get better, and I am certain it will, I just have to work my plan and give it time. Time heals everything.
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it will be better Gustav, the 1st week is the toughest week and you just completed it, the next days will be better.
regarding the depression and focus, I still have those from time to time.
there is something that will help, I new about it long ago but never try it, I think I will give it a test in the next week.
search for dopamine fasting, and I recommend you reading the book “dopamine nation”.it seams addiction will cause a dopamine depletion so we can’t enjoy the small things and be motivated to do it, but if we do dopamine fasting we will back to enjoy the small stuff and be motivated to do it.
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Day 8 – money in my bank account, all debt payments made. I will do this I will reach a 1000 plus days. One day at a time.
Thaks so much Dark, lovely to see you around again! I hope we can chat atleast once a week. I am going to read up on your suggestion right after I finished here on Gambling therapy.
This is what all this is about, making new friend on here, and standing with each other. We all experience the same thing, and there is experienced people in here that can help newbies like me. And will love to share with other newbies once I managed to get through this!
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Well done to me and everyone else on making it through another gamble free day. If I had one wish, it would be that every single person on this planet, can break this curse and live a normal and relaxing life… But I do know that will never be the case, as cases increase. Best we can do is push ourself to the limit. Going to play some golf today, and having a family BBQ this afternoon. The depression feels better and I want to make it work. One day at a time. Having the support on this forum and supporting others, is giving me hope that we can break this curse. I need to keep this momentum and discipline going of making my post a day, and believe that I have the ability to make it through another day!
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Hi Maverick, thank you so much. It was lovely!!
Had a great day with my daughter and my wife out today, went to 3 garden centre’s and just soaked in the sun and the peace, seeing the joy on a 7 year old face is priceless, and spending time with the people you love, not enough money can buy that happiness. Had a great weekend and is prepared for a tough week at work, with month end reporting coming up.
We can all beat this, just need to take it one day at a time.
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Day 12 for me today. All my debt payments caught up, that I missed last month, when I went on a gambling spree, that made me decide, this was the last time. I still get thoughts about, what if I can make it work, and the short answer is, I can’t make it work. I don’t have the discipline to only trade 1 or 2 percent of my bank roll on a daily basis. My brain is not like the other people who can make it work for them, they are different from me, I need to accept that. My strong suits are somewhere else. Dark messaged my the other day, to really try and understand why I gamble like I do, and I am still on that journey to figure out why I am doing it.
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Good morning Gustav,
That will always be the big question in my head, why, why me. I never smoked, drinkef alcohol, or done drugs, so why/how did I fall into years of uncontrollable/, compulsive gambling, throwing away my hard earned money.
Now I have to focus on leaving that habit behind.
One day at a time….
Glad to see that you are still doing well. -
Day 13 – still keeping at it…
Need to do this for the rest of my life, and I love it…. If this is what needs to be done to not gamble again, this is what I shall do. I am great full for the people on here, a simple post, from them motivates you more than anybody can imagine, just to know you are not alone makes it better… A daily check in is what I shall do, to remind me, I am a compulsive gambler and I should not gamble. Let’s keep it clean today again. One day at a time.
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Hi gustav,
Thank you for your post.
When we are in recovery, we need all the support we can get.
We need to connect to a community of recovery people who help one another to stay clean and sober.Sobriety takes a village. Without support, we risk the painful reality of a relapse.
Striking out on our own can send us down the road to relapse.Having a good support and accountability system increase our chances.
It takes a village to help us recover. -
Another great weekend has come and gone. Time spend with family!! Had a 60th an ld I was able to contribute financially!! That was a great feeling! Played some golf again with my dad and brother and my little girl came with, there is not much words to describe that joy! All these small moments is so much better than wasting your money and time making a casino richer and yourself more miserable!
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Day 19… Well I made it this far… Not going great and not going bad, but I am going gamble free… Work has got me tied up and busy. Trying to maintain focus is not easy, but I know what I have to do, I have to talk to people who can relate and make atleast 1 post per day, when I have the time to do so… Sofar this system works. I will not let they get into my head and suck my bank account and soul dry. I will stand tall and proud, and make peace with what was, and what I can manage today.
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