[housedd]

Hey there everyone.
Its been a while since i wrote here.I am a compulsive gambler.Iv been in this state for almost 4 full years.Last time i wrote here was last year whem i stopped gambling and said thats it,i cant do this anymore.And i was good for 4 months,i started to feel better and to enjoy life more,i was feeling that life is coming back slowly.Yes,i had thoughts about it but somehow i managed to keep this urge away by doing some stuff that i like.There were days with bad mood swings when i would cry in the morning and be happy in the evening and vice versa.Breaking point came when my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years of being together.Thats where my world crushed completely.I was in debt,i lost person that i love the most,and i was supposed to leave to another coutry to work in with debt without any support and with this addiction.I just had this feeling that im alone,but i know its all my fault,im doing this to myself and to my loved ones.To be honest with all of you that are reading this,iv never felt more lonely in my life,it feels like all the problems caught up with me.
Im in UK now,im working,im paying back debt i made,i was gambling occassionaly making excuses that its not a lot of money but i was really not free.
Today i relapsed again,spending 400 euros in 30 mins.After doing this i was juSt laying in the bed looking at the wall for 2 hours,i dont even know how to explain that feeling to someone,one thing i know,i want to stop and be person i was before all of this,happy,cheerful and sane.I know i will never be the same after gambling,but i know one thing.I will try my hardest to not gamble anymore.
This is my first day.

[Callmecrazy]

How are you?
I know the feeling of laying in bed and the desperation. I know the fatigue. I know about your vow to never gamble again only to wake up the next morning with a little more energy and little more hope, enough to repeat the same cycle again. I’ve been there. It isn’t pretty.

I’m now past a month of gamble free time. I have a ton of debt, no steady job, billions of problems, but my days aren’t plagued by the heavy stress that comes with gambling. No everyday guilt, shame, remorse, disgust and craziness from depositing one amount after the other. That alone is a good reason to start your journey of getting this illusion out of your life. Gambling is a scam. All the billboards, the ads, the promises, the hopes, they’re all huge lies.

The first 10 days all I could do is breathe. I couldn’t focus on anyone but myself. Here I am now, encouraging others to stop. It’s an improvement for sure. You should do it. You must do it! You can do it!

• ? ??? Callmecrazy? ?? 1 ?, 5 ? ?? ??????.

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