[Mark P]

Please help me help myself..i am 48 yrs old divorced 9 months and now dating my ex wife..i have 4 kifs one who has passed 8 yrs ago..i have anixety.manic..depression.body disforomic issues and have lost $300,000.00 since January this year i am now broke and borrowing money about $6000.00 in debt

[velvet]

Hello Mark and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[i-did-it]

Hi Mark ,
The loss of a child is a terrible thing to deal with and something a person truly never completely gets over . You seem to have gotten yourself into a l y of bother with gambling – however , at 48 you are young enough to turn it around and still build a good future .
There at many online groups here you can use – there is chat all day at gamblers anonymous online and Gamtalk.
Perhaps you could think about cutting off access to gambling to see how you feel without it hanging over you all the time.

Keep posting Mark- many people on here have turned their lives around and you can too .

[Jonny123987]

Mark – No one on her can help you unless you are ready to stop. Are you ready to do that? I noticed you haven’t been back since your original post so I’m assuming not. Making a bold statement like you did is a good start in the admission process. I hope the best for you!

[Mark P]

Thanks to all who responded to my first post ever on the internet..i appreciate your feedback..it means alot as you all know when you cry out for help and feel like no one is there to support you..so since my post..on Saturday one day after my post i attended my first GA meeting..i felt like a loser and the only person with a problem as i was the only person there besides the meeting coordinator. The coordinator talked mainly about themself. Yet that was ok as i dont know what to expect..i will go to another one Thursday. .it is a first step..today i go to a counseling on addictions. ..i planned on banning myself from the casinos thats my gambling place yet havent done it..i feel like i want all the free gifts..tickets to zz top. Jay leno..warrant and wringer..brew fest..hotel stays that if you had to buy them would be $1000.00 per weekend..Tiffany bracelets. Bonney and dourke purses for my gf..the list goes on including eating crab legs shrimp turkey etc free for two more years..i am holding out for the gifts..someone put some common sense into me..they give me about $200.00 per week free spend money as well. But that is my next step..just got make myself believe i wont go unless i get the free gifts..someone help me make sense of my irrational thought process..i will say what a great site my own experiences are shared by many on here but havent see a post about giving up $1000s of dollars in free gifts. I look foward to your responses.

[charles]

Hi Mark,

I am sure you realise that those “free” gifts are far from free. The money you have lost would probably have got you a private audience with Jay Leno.

Get yourself banned from those casinos, when you go to get banned I would suggest going with no money on you, maybe take your g/f with you, then you can’t get tempted to have a final fling.

Keep posting here, get to that next GA meeting. You can stop gambling.

[Mark P]

Well i did it i banned myself today only after gambling away $100.00 but i still did it. Its a one year ban. I asked how much i have spent since January 2017 and i was told $303,500.00. Wow so much i could have done. I am anxious right now but while leaving had a calm come over me like “hey!! Todays the 1st day of a new life. I feel liberated!!

[Jonny123987]

Hi Mark, Do you want to quit gambling? It kind of sounds like you’re on the fence.

[Mark P]

Yes i do wanna quit ..i only play slots and i self exclusion for a year. I only play slots and with the self exclusion i would have to drive almost 2 hrs to get to the next closest casino. Its a start and i look forward to a path of recovery. .my next GA meeting is on Thursday.

[Mark P]

Well my 1st day of self exclusion and wow the anxiety level is high!! I took a lorozpam. Prescribed of course as i have dealt with that at times as well. I will be glad when it subsidies. I am determined to not let this addiction determine my life while i understand that i have to be aware i will live the rest of my life,hopefully,as a recovering CG. Thanks to all of you. You were the 1st step to my journey of understanding and support. I will support you as well on your journey living with this addiction. Best of luck to all of us!!!

[Mark P]

Thank you for your support. .it helps

[Mark P]

Yes i do want to quit and have self exclusion myself from the casino

[i-did-it]

How Mark , well done on the positive steps you have taken to control this horrible addiction. I was really chuffed to see you had posted in my thread – sometimes I just write my rambling thoughts and am not sure if others can make sense of them.
With regards to whether you want to stop gambling .

In truth most of us on here love gambling and I guess most of us don’t “want” to stop- but our lives have reached a stage where we can no longer maintain our habit which has become an addiction.
You know how you feel Mark and don’t let anyone else’s doubts or interpretion of your thread deter you from it . We all deserve to be free from the pain of addictive gambling .

[Mark P]

I just came back from the second GA meeting that i have attended. I haven’t gambled since 9/25/17. Taking one day at a time. The urges to gamble are very present. I hope and pray for the strength and guidance necessary to control this illness so i will be able to continue to say “this day i did not gamble”. I am not in this journey of life alone with God in my life this battle i face shall one day not tempt me with illusion but deliver me from its grip. If i fall i hope i see and learn from my trip so i wont trip so easily next time for when i stand from said fall i can walk jog or run from its grip….god bless all of you..good luck and stay strong..dont give into temptations..live life and follow your dreams.

[Jonny123987]

Hi Mark,

It’s insane how bad the urges are to feel that rush. The rush leads you to believe you can win. mIt’s all just a mental *******. Stay strong and stay away from those machines. If you add it all up it makes sense not to play them. Do something else with that time, energy, and money. You are on the path to recovery my friend. Be proud! Don’t think about yesterday ever.

[Mark P]

Its been one week ago i last stepped a foot into a casino. . the urges have not let up yet. But i have been working 10 hrs a day. Its been 9 days straight of 10 hour days. I went to the gym today. That felt good!! I have been just trying to wear my self out.. One day. One week ..at a time.. This site is excellent as i can read other members struggles and how they worked thru them either by taking a different road or avoiding the potholes that lie before each of us.. The best is yet to come.. Thursday is my next GA meeting i am looking forward to it..i never thought i would say that..lol.

[i-did-it]

A massive well done Mark on battling though those urges and achieving a week without gambling . We all know how difficult it is . Well done also on attending GA and looking for the support of others.

[vera]

You’ve been through a lot, Mark.
Gambling acts as a crutch and helps to mask our problems.
Until we wake up and realize how we have been duped .
With God’s help you will find the strength to overcome the desire to continue this self destruction.
As P said in her excellent post, every time we return to gambling we find that nothing has changed.
I would add that everytime we go back, we discover things have got worse. The more we gamble, the more we need to gamble. Eventually it absorbs our every thought and we become like zombies. That is not our purpose in Life, Mark. We all deserve to live according to God’s Plan.
Try to take it one day at a time. Gambling can overwhelm us. Recovery can seem overwhelming in the early stages too. We need to be patient and take “baby steps”. Like you, I lost a lot of money, but there are things in life that no money can buy.
Write a list of those things , Mark and look at it when you feel like gambling. Ask yourself if gambling will give you any one thing on that list.
Does your wife know you have joined this Site? Perhaps she could have a look at the F and F Forum here to gain some support for herself.
Gambling affects many people in our lives.
I hope and pray you will remain strong. Mark. One day at a time. Best wishes in Recovery.

[OB]

Hi all,

I have many of the posts on here and I hope this service is helping all who have a gambling issue.
I’m new to this and have never posted on a site before as i guess i thought it wasn’t really an issue but the more I’ve read on the subject the more I can see I have problems of my own, although minor compared to many on here, I suppose nipping it in the bud sooner rather than later is key.
I’m 27 and have been on and off sports and casino online betting for a few years now. This year has been my worst at a loss of close to ￡5000, I know its a lot less than others have posted of their own losses. Just recently had our first child and so the pressure of providing has been slightly ramped up and I lost ￡300 last night. not feeling great.
Not sure how to stop but I think these forums will help.
Hope everyone is doing well here.
Thanks,
OB

[OB]

My apologies for commenting about my situation on your post, I am still learning the site.

[charles]

No need to apologise OB. To make the most of support though it will help you to have your own thread as well. if you scroll to the bottom of this Forum and click on New Topic you can do that. You will get a lot of feedback. keep reading the other stories as well – you can apply the things that are helping other people to your own recovery.

[i-did-it]

Hi Mark,
How’s it going ?
Hi also OB- I look forward to reading your thread .

[Mark P]

Thanks for asking..i haven’t gambled since 9/25/17..urges still very strong but i have been wearing myself out working 7 days a week 8-13 hours a day.. Continue GA meeting and individual counseling with a licensed physiologic. Starting to dig out of debt apprehensive about xmas. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for the support

[Mark P]

There is no need to apologize. I hope today finds you doing well. Stay strong.. We are all in the same boat so to speak. This forum has helped me tremendously. It was the first time i found similar people to myself all of us helping one another thru listening and experience.

[Mark P]

I haven’t gambled since sept 25 ..wow that is something just a month ago i would not have been able to say let alot not do.. Havent had a day off since September 25 either. Free time spending time with family. Going to gym and bike riding. Slowly digging out of debt caused by gambling. .one day..one week..soon one month..looking forward to life..i wish you all the best in our journey.

[i-did-it]

Well done Mark – you are certainly doing really well.
It’s good that you are getting time to spend with family as well as working .
I don’t know how you manage to fit gym and bike riding in also – very impressive .
Keep strong – Christmas will be ok

[Mark P]

Its been awhile since i’ve posted on here but i have been looking at others post. It really does help me to read other members trail and error remedies so that when i am in the “mood” to gamble i have so far looked here first and all the posts remind me why i can not give in to the urges to gamble. I haven’t gambled since 9/25/17. Going to GA tonight actually looking forward to the meeting and working 10 hrs tomorrow. Only one day off in the last 26 days it helps to keep me wore out and the money is helping me dig out of debt.. Good luck to all of us

[i-did-it]

Great to Rea story are doing well Mark- I was wondering about u – keep posting .

[Jonny123987]

Hi Mark – That’s great news that you haven’t gambled in almost a month. For me the urges got less and less. Every once in a while I have the urge (be it very faint) and it last for maybe 10 seconds… Long enough for em to chuckle at it. Stay the course and those will get easier and easier to deal with.

[Mark P]

Thank you for sharing and posting. The urges are there but they are not constant. I received my 30 day GA pin for not gambling. Still working alot of hours and so far keeping strong. Have a great gambling free weekend. Enjoy life.

[p]

Hi Mark

Congrats on your 30 day pin..

P

[Jonny123987]

Urges will get less and your strength will grow. I hardly ever feel that anymore and I had it bad when IO first started. I couldn’t;t see a way out and now I hardly ever feel any urges. And if I do it’s a very mild urge that passes rather quickly. Very proud of you sir! Congrats on fighting for your life back and winning!

[Jonny123987]

Hows that debt going? You getting out of that slowly? You will soon. Your story and situation really resinate with me. I lost a similar amount over the years. I too was broke and in debt up to my eyeballs. I have a little saved now and have no debt which is great. I do still think about all the money that I lost. it’s hard not too. I don’t do it nearly as often as I used to but I still think about it. I wonder if that will ever go away?

[i-did-it]

Well done Mark – I am on day 32 myself -so we are kinda a similar age in recovery .
So glad to read everything is going well .
Keep us informed of your progress.

[Mark P]

Thank you for your posts. Although i dont post often i try and read posts everyday as they help me know that im not alone and i am here with others who understand the illness. That is hard to admit…i have an addiction/illnesses. .i not ashamed to admit it. I just never thought “”I” would be one with the issue. My debt i am working off. I started on 9/25/17 with 4 payday loans and a $1500.00 loan from a friend and i borrowed $3000.00 on a vehicle that i paid off . in September i lost about $25000.00 before that loss i was out of debt completely. So the payday loans were a cost of about $1000.00 apieace. To date i have paid off 2 payday loans owe $700.00 on one and $300.00 on the other .paid $1000.00 to friend and $400.00 on vehicle. The car i have a 18 month loan on. The others i hope to get paid off before December. Time will tell if that will happen by then but i hope so as i would like to have money for xmas. I must tell you your post does help and yet i dont feel like i have offerred words of inspiration i have a sincere hope for ever person going thru this illness and i know i still have urges some moments i just i want to give in to them i know it will cause more damage then good so i turn here or my GA meeting every Thursday or individual therapy every Monday. Then wearing myself out working but no pain no gain. I have really felt the loss like no other time as i am paying back on my own without help but i see light now instead complete darkness. I am blessed as you are as well we know what we are facing now we just have to decide we can hide and fight with all ourself because we are worth fighting for and so are our family and friends. We all know we cant pick our family but friends should support even though they might not understand this illness as many of us find it embarrassing to share our defeat i am not ashamed to tell my friends but you must know i know alot of people but only have 5 friends who all encourage me. I accept my past i working on my future. Sorry for my ranting and good luck to you and thank you for taking time to comment.

[Mark P]

Thanks for asking i am doing well. Congrats to you . i am sure we could share similar stories. When i get more time i will post more..thank you for your support as you have mine as well.

[i-did-it]

Thank u Mark for taking the time to reply .
Much appreciated .
I value good manners!

[p]

Well done on your journey so far.. keep it going, looking forward to seeing it grow

P

[Mark P]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Your post is very true. My wife does know i have joined this site and go to GA meeting and see a counseling and she is supportive although see doesnt understand the illness see has lived with the effects that it causes. I have suggested she look on this site or attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting for family and friends. I use to get upset at her when i would ask for help with a barrier to money and she would reply ” I’m your wife not your mother” she thought i should just stop and eventually I did. I would tell her i wasn’t trying to take from the family but i tried to say when i get the itch its like having poison ivy without any treatment. This site has been very helpful in my recovery. I have searched for a place for awhile it was. This site that found my local GA meeting site. Thank you again and have a great gambling free day.. So much in life to live for.

[Mark P]

Still doing alot of work although it may slow down but i would like it to continue as it does keep me from going to gamble and helps paying down my debts and with xmas right around the corner it can help make it affordable. I hope everyone is staying strong. God bless all of you. We can be happy gambling free.

[vera]

Well done Mark. Work is great but you need rest and exercise too.
Recovery is about balance.

[Mark P]

Sorry i havent posted. For awhile but i want you all to know that i read yoyr posts daily. I am still working alot and its helping me get out of debt although slower than i thought but very thankful that i am able to pay back those debts. I must say i have not gambled even though i have thought about it. I was looking for the quick way out but i read i did it ..vera. .gordie..and kin post..those posts helped me thru that moment of weakness. Thank you all for continued support and posts..we all have one have one life to live and i want to live mine gambling free.

[p]

Hey well done for staying gamble free.. glad you updated. Its always a relief for me to read when people are gamble free, because thats how it feels to be gamble free, relieved..

P

[finding_laura]

I thought I was done posting for the day, bad back makes computer time limited, but wanted to stop by as I seen your post on another thread. Well done Mark! Isn’t it great how we can be grateful after all we’ve been through? We are more resilient than we think. If we keep working on things, making the next right choice, tomorrow will take care of itself. Making today gamble free is what matters. Hopefully things slow down for you a little as all work and no rest or relaxation can make you resentful. Keep at it Mark and Congrats.
Laura

[Mark P]

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts as you and everyone is always present in thoughts with me as well. Hope you are doing well and enjoy the Holidays

[Mark P]

Laura always words of encouragement from you. Thank you they mean alot. I did get three days off for Thanksgiving. I enjoyed the time off but of course could have used the money as i am still pulling out of debt but i can say i am still gamble free as of this moment. Time fly’s. Im still on my journey of life and looking forward to it. I am very aware that i can not gamble so i dont drive near one .lol had to laugh at myself for the avoidance yet very aware of the draw of a casino. I wish you the best of the Holidays and thanks again for the encouraging kind words.

[Mark P]

Still here holding on and regaining my life back. What shall i do. Whatever i want as long as there is no gambling. Still leaves the question what shall i do? I guess take a day at a time and breathe the fresh air not the smoke of a casino. I do smoke though.. Need to quit that some day again. Take care to all of you on your journey of life. We only get one life so Lets live it and enjoy

[finding_laura]

Well done Mark on over 60 days of change!

That is a very positive message yourself ?? If you like music concerts or other types of entertainment is there a venue in town that doesn’t have onsite gambling? Maybe you take some of your hard earnings and reward yourself with an evening out. We would think nothing of spending it on gambling, and many times more what it costs. It would feel better and be cheaper paying the actual price on the ticket. Dollars only, no soul sucking included! It’s good to see your updates.
take care,
Laura

[Mark P]

Still here holding on and regaining my life back. What shall i do. Whatever i want as long as there is no gambling. Still leaves the question what shall i do? I guess take a day at a time and breathe the fresh air not the smoke of a casino. I do smoke though.. Need to quit that some day again. Take care to all of you on your journey of life. We only get one life so Lets live it and enjoy

[Mark P]

Wow i would not have thought when i first began this journal that i could say that right now..gamble free. It certainly is a struggle but i have preserved so far..i have to say this site saved my life. I didn’t think i could have over come the emotions that i felt that 1st day i am thankful they have subsided. Now its xmas and you are aware its a trigger but im holding steady. I must say i am looking forward to it and for it to be over. I wish you all the best and a happy gambling free day

[finding_laura]

Congratulations on your perseverance. I remember feeling like this site was a life line and I had been drowning. Without finding it I don’t know how different my journey might have been. Maybe I would have gambled longer without the help I received. And when I unfortunately chose to return to gambling and needed a place to get support, this place was still here for me. I hope your Christmas holidays are uneventful! That they pass quickly but that you also enjoy the little moments that make life worth while. Take care Mark. So good to read your post.

Laura

[kathryn]

I just read your thread from the start and wow! You sound like a different person from your first to your last post. I’m really impressed at how hard you have worked. You should be proud of yourself.
I agree, this site saved my life also. 8 and a half years ago I found GT, it was a bit different then but the concept was exactly the same, compulsive gamblers reaching out for help and support. My first self exclusion was June 16 (my daughters birthday) 2009. I have slipped up a couple of times since then, always when I let my exclusion lapse.
Each time was like I had never stopped. It was incredible. It made me physically ill.
My life….I love saying that because I didn’t have one when I was in action, is so much better. The longer I didn’t gamble the more things I filled my time with, the ‘fog’ lifted from my mind and I finally started to feel like a ‘normal’ person.
I’ve done some amazing things since starting recovery , and I am finally living.
I’m hapoy to read you are doing so well.
Keep going, gambling is soul destroying, you don’t need it Iin Your life anymore!!!
Love K x

[charles]

Hi Mark, well done on your gamble free time. You can use your awareness about Christmas being a trigger. Plan your time, have your barriers particularly high. Have a great Christmas and keep posting.

[Author]

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