[i won a new life]

Today is “Day 1” for me and my attitude is good. I’ve been on a roller coaster and finding it hard to get off but the Idea of not needing
to gamble in the future gives me hope. How bad is the damage? It is bad but I am emotionless as I have grown
accustomed to this roller coaster. Putting barriers in place for next time I plan to have a harmless bet.

My description of the fog is when I gamble is like being stuck in a fog where you can’t see where your going although you have been
down this path before and know where it leads. Leaving a loop hole in the barriers because I’m still stuck in the fog.

I have gotten out of the fog and want to keep the light on.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[hambone]

I get it. Just remember how awful you feel in the lows, and do whatever you can to avoid that feeling again. After awhile, the fog will clear and you wont believe you lived like that

[i won a new life]

Thanks for your comment hambone, I agree and your right I can’t believe I have been living like that “in the fog”.

Having impulses and revolving thoughts all day. Fog is clearing and I don’t need to gamble, life is good.

[i won a new life]

Just wanted to let anyone know I have installed a free blocker on all my devices. It’s called Bet Blocker and it’s free and works good.

[i won a new life]

Day 4 and I don’t need to gamble, things are looking good.

[i won a new life]

This is my journal and guilt I don’t feel, if you choose to relapse that is your deal.

Out of the red in 2 weeks. Good things coming.

[i won a new life]

Barriers saved me today, the struggle is real. It feels good to have support from members of this group.

Heartbreaking when we slip. Honesty and facing this addiction head on will help us prevail to lives we deserve.

I’m trying to change my behaviour, getting the split personality feeling of not knowing who I am, there’s a devil on my shoulder.

When I look back long term the numbers are sickening on a graph would be straight down on a 45 degree angle with a few blips up once and while.

This has been going on for 10 years now maybe 3 of those 10 I remained gamble free and I remember how peaceful and normal my life felt. The answer is simple I don’t need to gamble.

It’s fun to share some chuckles even at the worst of times, keeping in mind the reality of how bad this could get if I let it consume me any longer.

Keep up the good fight.

[i won a new life]

Freedom feels good been living in a false sense of reality for a long time. My future is much more clear now.

[i won a new life]

One day at a time I’m taking back what is mine.

[i won a new life]

Really want to gamble bad today but I don’t need to.
Don’t need to bet, Don’t need to chase, Don’t need to win.

I still buy lottery tickets but only spend $10 a week. Gives me the sense of could still hit it big with minimal investment.

There’s a lot I want to do with my life, feeling behind the 8 ball.

[vera]

We think we want to gamble, I won, but do we want the after gamble misery?
Believe me it’s not worth it.
I am suffering right now.
I wanted my thrill .
Got it.
Hangover time now.
Thrills and hangovers go hand in hand.
we can’t have one without the other.

[i won a new life]

Thanks for bringing me back to reality Vera.

No reason to continue this self destructive behaviour.

[i-did-it]

Well done on your 10 days Iwon

[i won a new life]

Thanks IDI.

Feeling sick from gambling for such a long time, the only thing that was going to make it ok was a huge win.

Now I can just leave the past behind on day at a time.

[i won a new life]

One day at a time

[SuperstarDJ]

Keep going – I’m on day 5, there have been lots of day 5s this time is different. Wishing you all the best.

[i won a new life]

Thanks DJ, wish you all the best as well.

This time is different. I used to worry about when I was able to save money I would relapse go on a binge and blow it all, then feel so low again and have trouble coping.

Now I have a plan in place, once my debt is payed off I’m going to start saving money by locking it in investments where I won’t have access to it. No credit cards, one bank account with a minimal withdraw daily limit.

I have to outsmart compulsive me and learn from past mistakes.

[i won a new life]

One day at a time.

[i won a new life]

One day at a time.

[i won a new life]

I slipped, Day 1.
One day at a time.

[Steev]

We all slip when we start recovery. No shame in that. The important thing is to learn from the slip. Why did it happen? How can I tighten my defences? How did i have the money to gamble with and the access to a site? What can I do differently to try and not let it happen again. Keep going!

[i won a new life]

Thanks for your comment Steev. I need to make some changes to limit my access to money. Difficult as I don’t have a trusted person to handle my finances for me.

Totally lost all self control. I couldn’t take the thought of not being able to gamble and my behaviour was way worse the last few days than it used to be.

Played black jack and slots, the slots killed me. Hit a jackpot hand pay but that was quickly lost back.

Put myself in about 5k of debt and had a nervous breakdown.

In hangover mode now hope this is the bottom.

[Rdy4Chng]

I feel this so much. I don’t know much about recovery as I am just starting but I have been in the situation where I thought I was doing good and then my auto pilot personality comes in and I head to the casino to lose 3k or so. I understand. Good for you for at least being honest in here. No shame on a new day 1,at least you have a day 1. Some people will never admit that. Stay strong.

[i won a new life]

I am being honest as this is my safe place. I have accepted the money is gone. I’ve chased and recovered so many times, only leave with change in my pocket. I’m ok just need to find a hobby or something else to do with my time .

[Rdy4Chng]

Staying busy is certain key.

[Rdy4Chng]

* Staying busy is certainly key

[i won a new life]

Day one accept for lotto tickets gotta have some hope.

[i won a new life]

I have continued to gamble. I am in a dark place.
I will post a more positive post when I get out of this.

[i won a new life]

I have placed my last bet, tomorrow is a new day.

[Dark Energy]

you need to break the cycle think of alternative way to reduce your access to the money it cause a huge temptation to gamble. i don’t know what can be done in your case but for me not having any credit or debit cards helped me since i am gambling online. i

[i won a new life]

I know what needs to be done and I haven’t fully committed to stopping although I know that is what I need to do. I worked tirelessly to get around my barriers paying ludicrous fees and have played on some of the shadiest casinos on the market.

Years ago when I did manage a win and a cash out request it would get rejected do to having uncleared deposits at related casinos.

I have gambled all week obsessing and glued to my screen. I was chasing losses from last weekend. I was up 3k at one point but it wasn’t enough and I lost it all back and then some.

I used to stop and cash out after a big win, now I just raise my bets and continue spinning or switch up to black jack.

Slots are my crack cocaine they have given me an escape from reality for many years. My biggest win was 10k one night I did manage to cash it but lost it back over 2 weeks.

Since then about 7 years ago I have been hooked, some clean time in between, my lifetime losses are now well into 6 figures. Literately every penny I make is used for ammunition to feed the machines.

I am mathematically challenged but after being given that hit of “crack” I have been desensitized. When a bonus round hits, 4 scatters, 5 scatters. big line hits, and coin showers.

The money I lose doesn’t matter when I’m playing because surely I will win it back. I have never been able to hold a win. When I win big I usually lose twice the amount back before reality sets in.

Trouble coping feeling low and depressed and wanting to gamble to escape this. The money doesn’t matter anymore. I just need to survive.

This being said this last week has hurt bad was almost out of debt and now I’m about 10k deep.

[i won a new life]

Any amount of money lost is a small price to pay for a gamble free life.

[Steev]

You wrote: “I know what needs to be done and I haven’t fully committed to stopping … ” You also wrote: “I just need to survive.” I can’t hold those two thoughts in my mind at the same time. Surely if I know I need to survive I would be committed to stopping? What will it take for this to happen for you? I know in GA they talk in terms of having to reach rock bottom – but I’m aware from seeing people in the rooms that there is always another “rock bottom.” I don’t want you to fall further.

As you say you have learnt that you are a compulsive gambler and that even if you have a win – all it means is that it is more tokens to keep playing with. Do anything you need to do to stop now.

Get support – talk to someone on here or another help site. Get to GA or similar if that will work for you. Find strategies to cope with the cravings and how you spend hours trying to find ways around your barriers. Talk to a medic about counselling or other interventions to help. In other words put the hours into your recovery that you have been putting into getting around your barriers.

Survive.

[MurrS7]

i feel your pain in all of your posts, it’s all too similar to mind and most cg on here. Relapsing happens in recovery and usually when we think we’re doing well and beating it. My last 7-8 relapses put me in the hole for -32k owed to bank trying to chase 3k. Please stop and get your life back.. stay busy and ***** your gamble free days. Im with you. And I like the post above and all the advice steev has given as he is gamble free for a long time now, someone above said no amount of money lost can be traded for a gamble free life. If you continue to gamble you risk the rest of your life being ruined. But if you stop, you have a chance to get your life back. when I write this to you. I’m also speaking to myself. its not easy. It’s the hardest addiction we will likely ever endure. Praying for you 

[i won a new life]

I’m trying to understand too. I have stopped now, I can pay off my debt by the end of this year and remain gamble free.

I just wanted to end it with a big win and pay off my debt like it never happened, now looking back I can see I’ve been in that position before and it just makes me greedy and reinforces the gambling behaviour then I lose more back over time.

I had this one casino I found that my blocking software missed. I liked it very much had good payouts and instant withdrawals with no verification. I’m about even on this one I will add it to my block list today. I as well disabled my payment system (crypto currency) by adding a 2FA code then deleting it off my list.

I can walk away now just a lesson learned, expensive but how many times do I need to do this.

[i won a new life]

It’s about day 3 from my last bet on video slots. I suffered a heavy loss while I was lost in the fog again.

Blocks are in place, I still have access to large amounts of money on my line of credit, unfortunately I am living on this now after the juggling my finances.

Even feeling the gambling hang over. Was going to buy a new laptop so I could start gambling again. Thought I could play with a budget and know when I’m at my peak to make a cash out like I used to. Or take 10k put it on one hand of black jack or red or black on roulette. Walk away win or lose. Addiction will do this to me every day and I have a choice, today I made the right choice.

I can just stop gambling now and walk away a winner every day, looking for another job to help pass time and pay down some debts.

One day at at time.

[i won a new life]

I relapsed again and lost 2k on Sept. 11. I was just convinced I was going to win, so many dead spins.

Then it was like a switch went off in my head. Stop throwing money away and stop the bleeding. I tried really hard to win big and it wasn’t meant to be.

I have stopped the insanity now, just feeling a bit low on the financial loss but this can be recovered over time.

No more, I’m done.

[Nosafebet]

Oh yes!  Win or lose…but especially lose and spending way over budget…the drive home I feel like crap. I fell for it again!  It wasn’t even all that fun!  I go home and read articles and watch videos of how Casinos dupe you and lure you in with false promises about the “fun” and being a “winner”!  Maybe I was out til 4am and smell like smoke and have to stuff my clothes into a bag til I can wash them hoping nobody smells it on me.  I hide any cups or gaming tickets that might divulge where I was!  I know I hate the feelings…the self loathing.  Maybe I barely slept and am worthless the next day…yes it is a hangover!  Not worth it!

[Rdy4Chng]

Sorry to hear you have relapsed again. 

I am on day 14 and ALL I want to do is go to the casino. 

What a struggle it is.

[i won a new life]

Give it 21 days at least to break the cycle of addiction. We are on the wrong end, the casinos will get it all if we let them.
The house edge will always win.

One day at a time.

[i won a new life]

Been on a 3 month binge, found the trap door in rock bottom.
Hopefully I’ll stick around and can be supportive to other members. Got some serious therapy and financial things to figure out but I’m ok. Been on this coaster for 10 years just on a dip. Hopefully I’ll have a day one tomorrow.

[Sauchgirl]

Day 1 for me too, online gambling is my weakness. It’s been really hard not to log in today to chase my losses. I lost 7k yesterday over an innocent ￡56 bet. I was completely lost in the fog of it!! I feel sick to my stomach and struggling with hiding this from my family. However instead of gambling, I went for a walk & tried to keep myself occupied. I also blocked myself from the usual site. My last big loss was 8 years ago and I managed to stay away until this year I just got hooked again. I just need to be free of it for good this time. I know you can too, stay strong!!

[i won a new life]

My story and my struggle.
n
nI have been gambling for 10 years on and off.
n
nOver the past year I have been gambling almost daily online playing slots and casino table games.
n
nI have tried to stop. I was on a 3 month upswing.
nI have now lost everthing, I am bankrupt.
n
nOnly when I run out of money do I have time to look back and see the trail of devastation.
n
nI now see the only way to move forward is to stop gambling.
nI need to stop now and stop forever.
n
nIts easy for me to say I only have a gambling problem when I lose, thats how I feel but here I am trying to claw my way out of the fog again.

[i won a new life]

I needed money to survive
ngot a pay day loan-
nLost the money gambling.
nI needed money to survive
nsold anything I had of value-
nLost the money gambling.
nCourt, fraud, bannkrupt. Why-
nLost the money gambling.
nI had all the money I needed to survive but I
nLost the money gambling.
n
nI don’t like gambling I am fine without it.
nI don’t understand why I do this to myself
nit makes me feel pathetic and worthless
njust a degenerate gambler with nothing left to lose.
n
nI have been here before when things were not so bad
nI was in the beginning stages of what I now know is called patholigcal gambling it is an illness a progressive illness that has progressed to my new rock bottom.
n
nI lost my last $70 yesterday I feel depressed and anxious and today I did not gamble.
nOne day at a time I am going to escape the fog.

[Rdy4Chng]

Hey there,?

I have not been on this site in many months because as like you I am severely addicted to gambling and during the pandemic things have gotten worse. I haven’t even tried to stop really, just gotten used to being in debt, used to losing and being a loser.?

Then I got your last comment as an update in my email, I guess because I had commented on it last year. I feel for you and I feel I am like you. Everything I do and everything I have I have lost to gambling. Why do we do this to ourselves?

I want to escape the fog too. I want to see clearly and be happy again. I want my life to be worth something. If you feel like I feel then you have probably thought about ending it all. I know I have. I just want you to know this last post that you made resonated with me and made me come back to this site. Made me want to change and ask for help yet again.?

Maybe your post will in the end save us both. I gambled yesterday but today I am DONE with it. There has to be a brighter future for us than this. I hope you will find the strength to beat this demon just as I hope I too will find the strength. It is in us somewhere. We have to keep fighting.?

Thank you.

[i won a new life]

I put blocking software on my laptop.
nGot my paycheck and decided to try to log into online casino to check if blocking software is working.
nThe blocking software failed I lost $780 gambling kept thinking my luck has to change but I need to change and stop gambling for good.
n
nThank you for posting on my thread Rdy4Chng. If you can somhow limit you access to money that would help.
nI am taking baby steps so I can at least limit the damage.
nThe rate I’ve been going I just lose all money as soon as I get it. Luck has been horrible over last 2 months.
nAll I need to do is stop and life will be fine and go back to normal.
n One day at a time the fog has cleared I can see the path to freedom. I choose to stop and escape this madness for good.
n

[i won a new life]

I am walking the path to freedom. I don’t have money so I can’t gamble but I will again and this is where I will be tested by the devil on my shoulder.
n
nThe path is clear and can not be tempted by the forbidden fruit.
nThis is pure insanity to make money give it away then be broke and desperate over and over and over again.
n
nI have too much to live for and I deserve a happy life without the worries of money or gambling.

[i won a new life]

My analogy of the path to freedom and escaping the slavery of gambling-
n
nSometimes in my life I hit rock bottoms they can get worse over time. It is during these moments I can see clearly a glimpse of where I need to go , a direction to travel, a brief break in the fog , a silver lining so to speak.
n
nSo now I’m on the path, I know I’m heading in the right direction but I am also well aware that this is not an easy journey. I will be challenged and tempted along the way.
n
nAlthough sometimes I feel I have to make this journey alone. There is help along the way, I find healthy food and water. This is amazing to me I never appreciated having a small amount of money or something to eat or drink it is humbling to enjoy the small things in life I used to take for granted.
n
nAs I walk the path I can not see where I am going I only know
nit is the right direction I have to keep going this way and I wont be lost in the fog anymore. I can accept where I have been and know where I am going.

[i won a new life]

As I walk the path to freedom I am distracted by a snake
nthe snake tries to lead me off course promising fun excitement and money.
n
nI think about this, this is my trigger and I have been fooled before by the snake before. I decide to continue and ignore the snake.
n
nThere will be many snakes on my journey some more clever than this one. When I have identified my trigger or urge I will stay on the right path, the path to freedom picking up behavior coping strategies along the way.
n
n
n

[i won a new life]

On my journey on the path to freedom I meet a clever snake.
nHe tells me he knows of a new betting strategy one that will make me money, and I won’t have to tell any one that I gamble or that I made money from it.
n
nThe snake is convincing I think about this and it could be a major blow to my escape from the slavery of gambling or I could just go with the snake gamble and make money.
n
nNow I have to make a decision. This is my trigger to gamble and will lead me to more devastation. So I decide this snake can’t just simply be ignored. I kill the snake and eat it and continue on my journey.

[astrofly21]

I am on a similar path as you – countless funds going towards online casinos. Giving these casinos my information with no hesitation, and banking on a hope that I will be able to make up for my losses… How many times have I reached my deposit limit, how many times I told myself that I have the winning formula to all of this to eventually hit a zero balance…. Its so stupid, and I become somebody else, somebody that i dont recognize..

I stopped yesterday and I found this forum. I read your story, and it just resonated with me throughout. Lets get through this together and support each other throughout. The struggle is real, but I know we can get through this.?

[i won a new life]

Yes lets do this I am posting regularly to keep my mind from fogging. It is hard right now money is tight and boredom is another trigger that I am working on I know that over time we can change our behavior to be doing more healthy things than gambling.

[astrofly21]

I will do the same to post with you! I was speaking to a friend today, and she suggested to go out of town to see the leaves turn colors as it welcomes the Fall weather. I havent said anything to it, but I cant go because I dont have the funds. I had the funds just a short time before, but its all gone now because of gambling. Immediately I thought I can get it all back with some winning hands… but I remembered the conversation here on this forum and what I have committed in doing for my future.

How quickly can gambling enter my mind, but the temptation is real…. But it also manage to go away after a while….

Here’s to another day passing….?

[i won a new life]

I was tempted and the urge to gamble overpowered me, I was helpless I picture lighting money on fire or flushing it down the toilet.
n
nA small voice inside me be it a snake, the devil, or the giddy rebellious teenage compulsive gambler. I am powerless and I almost got trapped in the fog again I need to stay on the path to freedom one day at a time.

[i won a new life]

Understanding my emotions, ego and my triggers to gamble is important for me to stay on the path to recovery.
n
nMy last trigger was boredom and loneliness plus the devil on my shoulder telling me I would win.
n
nBoredom needs to be replaced with other activities if nothing else just going out for a walk or exercising this is also a healthy way to cope and relive stress.
n
nStress is also a trigger after committing financial suicide. The financial stress is very real and can cause intense urges to gamble as I was seeing gambling the only way to fix my financial problems. The financial problems that were caused by gambling. This has only made things worse digging the hole deeper the cycle continued. Being caught in the vortex or sucked back into the fog where the compulsive gambling behavior is fed the mind is clouded and the path to freedom is blocked.
n
nAdmitting the problem and the relapse has helped me get back on track one day at a time.

[astrofly21]

You speak so many truths in your post – i see alot of myself in every one of those actions. I didnt do too well – back to Day 1. But I know that this is a long road. Looking forward to your future posts.?

[i won a new life]

I have daily temptations to gamble. Think of how I can gamble, where to get money to gamble and type of gambling I want to do.
n
nThis happens multiple times a day. First I distract myself and keep busy doing something else. After sometime the urge or temptation slowly goes away. After all I now know I want to stop gambling or at least losing.
n
nI have no access to money if I did I could lose it all quickly.
nWhen I get paid, I pay my bills and take the rest in cash, carry a small amount for daily expenses and give the rest to a trusted person to hold for me.
n
nIf I leave myself vulnerable to my addiction it will have devastating consequences. I picture my family, It harms me and it harms them. There is no reason to live this way, life is good and I continue on the path to freedom one day at a time.

[i won a new life]

I have continued to gamble.
I got on a lucky run which enabled me binge for a while.
Feeling invincible I have now went broke again.
I’m ok, need to turn things around one day at a time.

[wally2021]

Thank you for sharing your story !!! I am at the very beginning of my journey (recovery or denial for me???)…hang in there….you can beat this thing!!!

[i won a new life]

If nothing changes then nothing changes.
I reached my all time low and decided I needed to make a change.
I thought about suicide but I can not do that.

All I had to do was ask for help.
I admitted I had a problem and now I am getting the help I needed.
This means there is a long road ahead but now I have a plan
and I wont have the added stress that gambling causes.

In my mind this was the toughest decision I ever had to make
like I was giving up my chance at financial freedom.
Now I can see the opposite is true I will now have the freedom I deserve.

One day at a time

[i won a new life]

My story and my success.
I have been gamble free for 2 weeks.

How did I do it?

1. Barriers- No access to money.
No access to gambling.
Keeping busy with non gambling activities.

Why gambling doesn’t work.
You will not win with gambling due to the house edge.
Yes you can be lucky in the short term but over time
if you continue to gamble it will be a loss.

I have multiple times had 5 figure scores in one night.
Every time I was powerless, a compulsive gambler with money
is like a kid in a candy store. The money gets lost back faster
and by this point might as well be a tokens in a game
you will stop when at zero.

My attitude has improved. I am being held accountable for
my actions and have my finances being handled for me.

If you are a gambler looking for help this is what it takes.
You need to be honest with your family and you can get the help you need.
If you don’t have access to money you can’t lose it.

One day at a time.

[pilotdad1980]

I am on day 2 of no gambling. It’s so funny how we can go about our daily lives in a coherent logical manner, but once we step into a casino we lose our damn minds. I’d like someone to video one of my insane gambling binges and show it to me the next day. See the carnage from the outside. It would not be a pretty sight that’s for sure.

[i won a new life]

Hi Kin, yes all is well as it can be.
The fog has cleared but reality has set in.
I’ve been a bit depressed but I am hopeful for the future.
One day at a time

[i won a new life]

Reality is good.
I’m out on good behavior and plan to keep it that way.
One Day At A Time

[i won a new life]

6 weeks gamble free.
Was it easy? No.
As long as I had access to money I continued to gamble.
I would not stop and I was blinded by my addiction.

The first few weeks were filled with anxiety and depression.
Most of the time I miss the action of gambling and the escape it gave me from reality.
My financial situation is slowly starting to recover.

I gave up access to my finances this holds me accountable for my actions.
I am getting one on one counseling to help me understand what an addiction to gambling is
how it is triggered by my ego and coping with my emotions.

One day at a time.

[i won a new life]

So yes I did relapse again. Had to come clean and get help again.
Gave up control of finances. Have been about 9 months gamble free.
Getting gambling addiction counselling.
Still have to pay off past debts but life is better gamble free.
One day at a time.

[Author]

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