[lauren2021]

Here we go… I’m a compulsive gambler Here is my story- I’ve always had an interest in gambling even as a teenager. I’ve started out gambling only in casinos and was able to lose money responsibly (without the chase). Fast forward 25 years and now I don’t even need to leave my house to gamble. I can gamble from the privacy of my home- even better on my phone. It all started as small bets, but eventually my bets increased in size. What a thrill when you actually win. We all know how this ends. The same old compulsive gambler story. I promise myself I’ll be good this time. I’ll even have a set amount… if I win, then I’ll put the phone down. It’s sick, I’m making all sorts of deals in my head. I promise myself I will stop. The problem is when you actually start winning, adding more fuel to the fire. There are way too many options when you’re gambling online.

Now that I can gamble 24/7 on my phone, I mostly bet on basketball games. Well sort of?? That is when I’m a controlled controlled compulsive gambler. I was convinced I couldn’t lose that much money on sports, because it’s not an instant win/lose like black jack. I’m analyzing and making smart bets. How I was so wrong!! The problem is that if I see that my basketball game is losing, I’ll make a bet on another game. I’ll even take a little break and play some black jack to win some extra cash so I have more more money to gamble on another basketball game. We all know this is a really bad idea.. now I’m losing even more money. When I get in my manic gaming mode… I will gamble on anything live especially when it gets late night and all the games are winding down. This is when I really get out of control. Trying to win back my money in the middle of the night and now all my sports games are over. What else can I do at midnight? Oh I can play black jack. Bad, bad idea now I’m in for at least another 1-2 hours trying to win some money back. The chase is on! My head hurts now and my body is aching. I need to go to sleep.. put the phone down. Wait a minute, I can place a bet on Korean baseball. It starts at 5:30AM (ET). This way when I wake up, I will already have a winning bet. Oh no it’s 6:30AM let me check my phone, oh no! I’m losing my bet lost. No big deal I’ll place another bet on MLB. The next game is not until 7PM tonight. I can’t wait that long let me just play some black jack. I just lost again.. How am I going to wait until tonight’s NBA game? Here we go again. I want to STOP this absolute madness.

Solutions: put barriers in place. Been there done that. Installed GAMBAN. I spoke to some people through Zoom, heard some truly inspiring stories. Went to 4 meetings in 4 days this is great. i went back to gambling guess I was bored. Trying to figure this part out?

PROBLEMS My biggest problem right now is having enough fuel (cash available) for my online addiction. I don’t know how I did this, but can’t use my credit cards for gaming. I’ve locked them out some how and never called the bank to reverse this. This is really good news but I can still use my savings. This is the bad news. Now I’m just transferring money from savings to my checking account.

NEW SOLUTION: I’m not MacGyver. This is a serious illness and barriers need to be set in place. I called my bank today and blocked my checking account and PayPal as means of withdrawing funds. Is there a way out of this yes, all I have to do is call the bank and ask for this to be reversed. I need to want to make the change and live a gamble free life. There will always be a way to out beat the system. The only one I’m hurting is myself… blah blah blah.

I will start journaling and this is my day 1.

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Badsportsbettor]

Hey

Your story spoke to me very much. My biggest problem stemmed from online gambling and sports.

The sad thing is I love sports and was actually really good at betting the outcomes of games I knew. The problem is I’m compulsive and like you said would start placing bets on everything like I almost wanted to loose. Then when that would start I would go chasing with blackjack or anything I could place a bet on.

I will be fallowing your journey and wish you luck. Something I found worked for me was deleting any sports apps to avoid the thought of what game was even on. I also even stopped watching any sports as I found it to be a trigger for me at first. I am 4.5 months clean and now I can enjoy a game. It’s actually really nice enjoying sport again and not being affected by the outcome!

[lauren2021]

Badsportsbettor Congrats on your 4-5 months staying gamble free. What a great accomplishment!
This is great advice. I will try and avoid looking up games totals and point spreads for tonight’s game (over/under). I too will play until my money is gone. I wasn’t in my manic state yesterday, but still managed to place a few NBA bets. I told myself just withdraw the money and you’ll be set. But no, after my post I still thought I could make some more money. I gambled the remaining money in my account yesterday/this morning. Part of me was happy just to get rid of the money. Now I don’t have money and feeling bad. It’s like going on a diet. I will binge eat and then I’ll start all over tomorrow. I’m not counting days just yet. This is too overwhelming for me. T’ve been gambling everyday for the last two years. I really need to wrap my head around this.

I do enjoy working out so will go to the gym later today. It’s the addiction of having a bet placed when I leave the house. Something to look forward to later in the day when I’m get home from work. The irony is that it’s not relaxing and causing myself more harm and stress both physically and emotionally.

I did not look at tonight’s NBA lines. Will post my gamble free days when in due time. Don’t want to stress about getting there. If I worry about this.. I will not post my progress…

[G Rec]

Hi lauren2021.

Welcome to the forum and well done on taking a positive step.

I can associate with so much of what you have written, chasing losses, feeling anxious because you can’t immediately place a bet to win money back. Putting blockers in place but then later finding a way around those blockers etc.

One thing you haven’t mentioned trying which I think could really help is having someone else you trust manage your finances for a while. In this scenario, you would still maintain control over your money, and decide where it is spent, but any spending would have to go through this person first.

I also strongly recommend checking out one of the new members groups, there is one tonight at 19:00(UK). You mentioned you attended 4 meeting in 4 days before which is great, but I know when I first joined the forum and was taking positive steps, I found the new members group the best place to get direct actionable advice on steps that can be taken.

[lauren2021]

G Rec
Thanks for your reply. I’ve joined the beginner support group and attended many Monday and Thursday meetings (with Charles). We’ve chatted and brainstormed and talked about my triggers. Yes, you’re right on the money- Accountability is extremely important.

I totally get what you’re saying about accountability, I don’t have anyone right now who can take care of my finances. Long story but people in my family have trouble handling money (credit card debt) and I would be scared to hand over my account to a family member. They would spend my money in a heartbeat. Not that I’m any better at this moment of my life. What turned out to be some innocent fun gambling online has turned into a complete nightmare.

I need to figure the finance part as I move through this journey. I’m not in my manic compulsive state right now. I placed a bet a few days ago not knowing the bet was today. Thankfully, it lost because I didn’t want to start the vicious cycle again of winning and chasing my loses.

Last night I was very excited to start my new saving plan. Now at 1AM I’m thinking how can I save money? The only way to save money as a compulsive gambler is NOT TO GAMBLE. I will never win because I can’t stop. I have saved huge amounts of money years ago stashing away money into savings. Actually I was quite obsessive and would not spend any money. I would save then splurge on vacations for my family. For the first time, I’m excited to save money again. Throwing money into a savings account and watching the number go up (not down). I’m in the raw stage of this gambling free and my mind can easily play tricks… telling me I can gamble and win, but we all know this is not TRUE.

The longest break without making a bet within the last two years was 14 days. I’ve made a few 5 day accomplishments as well. Thanks to Charles.

Today I went to the gym and did not look at tonight’s NBA lines. Time to close my online gaming account (just don’t open another one). Same old story, I sound like a broken record. Will keep journaling.

[lauren2021]

Back to reality. Fighting urges to gamble. Scenario in my head- I keep telling myself but I really LOVE to gamble. Maybe I can play some controlled blackjack. I can win some money then place a parley on a sports bet. I will start small then I won’t lose too much money. This is not a wise decision. We all know small bets will turn into larger bets. I go through the roller coaster of emotions.. wait 10 minutes and do something else the urge will go away. Gambling is not that bad, I can really win if I make the right bets and quit. I have some money in my bank account maybe gamble $100 just to see what will happen. What?? This is crazy talk. I have NO SELF CONTROL!! What am I thinking? This will not work if I go back. I will NOT WIN because I’m a compulsive gambler. I will gamble until my money is gone. Been fighting these urges all day in my head.

I will make the right decision and not gamble today. I can do this!!

[Badsportsbettor]

Hey

It’s really crazy eh how the mind will lie to us about how we can gamble and it will be different this time. The simple answer is as a compulsive gambler we cannot gamble again. Trust me when I say this I have fallen victim to my mind telling me I have learnt. And all the progress I have gained I blow it all in months. I was clean for 8-9 months and thought I could gamble again and in 2 months I blew another 20 thousand dollars. Pretty much everything I worked so hard to gain in that clean time. Gambling can never be cured only arrested as the words from GA. It’s really true is the thing. Please stay strong and we are all behind you!

[lauren2021]

Couldn’t fight the urges. All weekend, I gambled but managed to stay even. I’m such an idiot. Crazy story though. When I blocked my checking account and PayPal as means of withdrawing funds. I ended up placing a „stop payment“. When I didn’t see the funds come out of my checking account, I called the bank. Long story short, my online gambling account is suspended (a blessing in disguise). I need to send a cashier’s check to cover my bank deposits I’m so embarrassed and ashamed.

I called the gambling site and was told my account could be locked for a month, until my check settles. Today I’m thinking this is a sign and my way OUT. Today I WILL NOT GAMBLE.

This is my day 1

[lauren2021]

Day 5
Managed to stay gamble free. Every time I had an urge, I told myself „what happens if you win What are you going to do? Will you take the money out like a normal person? The answer is clearly no. I can not gamble. There is no end to my madness. I still keep this unreachable number in my head. If I win ___ then I will quit. This never happens. I will get sucked in the cycle of chasing my loses.

I paid many bills and have just enough money in my account to be comfortable. I don’t need to win/lose. I have urges but it’s not worth it. I’ve been wanting to kick this addiction and the only way is NOT TO GAMBLE.

[Dolly]

Congratulations! I gambled today so tomorrow will be day 1 for me. I can no longer use a debit card online. I will try to follow you, for mutual support. Thanks

[arno1drebecca]

I was always interested in gambling, even when I was a teenager.

[lauren2021]

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. As of today I’m 13 days gamble free. What has helped not gamble for almost two weeks?
-closed my online gambling sites
-set up automatic withdrawal to savings account

I have just enough in my account to cover my utility bills that are automatically debited from my account and a little extra so I don’t feel deprived. This strategy is working for me.

I’m also planning a summer trip and saving for that as well each month. I could easily afford a vacation if I DON’T GAMBLE

I continue to have strong urges but remind myself about the consequences of my actions. I can afford to buy what I need. Trying to get that BIG win feeling out of my head when I place that first bet. It’s not worth starting over to day 1. All the emotions and sleepless night that accompany my addiction. Definitely not worth it!

[lauren2021]

Day 15 Gamble free. I keep telling myself this is what you’ve wanted a gamble free life. My mind still plays tricks that I should gamble. I have barriers set so I can’t act on my impulses.
I have enough money. There is no need to take out a large sum of money to chase/lose… I will not.. fighting the urges
I will attend a GA zoom session later tonite. This will keep me in-check with reality. This addiction is brutal!!

[lauren2021]

Day 22 gamble free
Urges to gamble come and go. I’m definitely less stressed. Barriers are helping me tremendously. Gambling thoughts continue to pop up in my head. I tell myself this is not what you do anymore. I’m not looking up game sports lines/spreads. This can lead to gambling and lead me down a very slippery path. I remind myself I’m a compulsive gambler. If I win means I will lose.
I’m really busy at work and unwind watching Netflix and taking walks. I’m proud of my accomplishments over the past 3 weeks. I’m trying to prioritize what’s most important in my life… staying gambling free feels good.

[G Rec]

Hi lauren,

It is great to hear that you have reached Day 22 Gamble Free. Great work, I look forward to continuing to read about your progress, and hoprfully seeing that number grow and grow.

[lauren2021]

Thanks G Rec!
My last bet was on Sept 6th so this is a big day for me. One month gamble free! The first few weeks were really tough. I had some urges yesterday but had my barriers in place making gambling very difficult but not impossible.
I chose to stick with not gambling. Most of money is transferred to pay bills and I make sure to have some spend money on myself. Going out to eat, shopping whatever that makes life a little easier. Why do we have such a hard time with this concept?
I feel like I’m in a crazy time warp. Time is moving so quickly and I can’t imagine getting myself involved with gambling. As of now, I don’t have enough time in the day. The days are flying. On the other hand. if I gambled I would manage to stay up all hours to gamble and start the vicious cycle all over again.
I don’t have the most exciting life but that’s okay. I’m doing normal stuff like normal people. Food shopping, walking the dog, going out to eat. All good stuff. When I gamble I become this other person. The compulsive gambler pleading for forgiveness. It’s simple I don’t gamble because I’m happy with this normal life. This is me, a relaxed person. I have to be careful because gambling urges do creep up suddenly without warning.
If I win I will lose. Simple logic because I’m a compulsive gambler.
Off to do nothing..but that’s fine with me.

[G Rec]

1 Month gamble free is excellent Lauren. I think most people can relate to the first few weeks being really tough. The good news is that it does tend to get easier from here. That doesn’t mean there won’t be really tough days where urges are strong, but overall the refraining from gambling gets more manageable, and you should continue seeing the great benefits of doing so.

It sounds like you have a good structure in place with having strong barriers. Keep up the good work.

[CraigMac6]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your story sounds so familiar because it’s the same as mine. I’m a sports betting addict and I’m out of control with my wagers as well. I did the exact same thing you did when a wager was going to lose, go bet another game to win it back. It would never end well. Instead of black jack, I would bet live in play tennis. That’s usually quick. Gosh what a mess.
Anyway, I can relate to you. I’ve closed out my sportsbook account as well, but I’m not sure if it helps. Because a simple call can get it reopened. If we have a will to gamble we will find a way, but for me, right now my mental focus is to focus on improving my life and understanding how gambling impacts my life in every way. Even if we win, we still lose because our addictive minds don’t know when to stop. I’ve been gambling for 11 years and I’ve never been ahead of my bills because I will spend every dollar I can on my addiction. I don’t want to live like that. I’m order to change, we must change our mindsets.
Day 2 for me! See you tomorrow!

[Autor]

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